Gallery Walls

I have grand ambitions for a lot of things around our house. I am getting the itch to paint and do more decorating than I have. And a new color scheme.... I have something in mind for every room. Sigh. Hopefully I will get there bit by bit in 2012. I am all about the DIY. Just gotta rope the hubby in for some projects (he is running away as he reads this I am sure).

First, I really want to do a gallery wall. I wanna do one up our staircase and above our couch. They are all the rage now and so neat. I have all the frames, I just need to do it.... but I have no Earthly clue where to begin! They are harder than you would think to line up and get together. It gives me anxiety so I stop before I start but I just LOVE them. And how do I get the right mix of frames and styles and make it look effortless?

I may paint some frames and I want to wait for our new pictures but this is a task I hope to accomplish. Has anyone ever done something like this?? Tips, trick or opinions? I am afraid my spacing will be off and I am OCD about that stuff and I will have to start all over. But, I cannot wait to display our new family pictures and I want to finally put some of our wedding pictures up. I think I will have to just bite the bullet and try it.

The Second Time Around

I get asked a lot (by people with pained looks on their faces) about how I am doing with two kids so close in age. It is only natural I suppose. My kids are 20 months apart. I got lots of warnings before I had Scarlett about the exhaution, the inability to get anything done and the overwhelmingness and frustration I would feel now that my life was so "busy".

Sure, some days I experience those feelings. I have had some long nights and frustrations with my obstinate toddler. But really.... not half as bad as I thought or was made to think. Now, I know that I am a whopping 3.5 weeks into the business but so far so good. I really enjoy being a mom. I love, love, love being home with my kids. Do I get annoyed... sure. But I remind myself I used to sit in a quiet cube all day and play accountant.

Now, I get up every day and think about what fun things I can do with Porter. There are morning snuggles, giggle fits and the inevitable tantrums. There are walks in the gorgeous weather, park trips and sunshine. Truth be told.... it is bliss (most days). And the little one... she comes along for the ride. I realize now how easy newborns are and how easy I had it with one. But we do stuff and go places. The second child doesn't have the luxury of sitting around the house for 6 weeks. Nope, we get up and go every day.

There are a couple things I think helped me. One, natural childbirth post partums are UH-mazing. Thanks to no drugs and my short labor, I felt great pretty much right away. I was completely physically healed in about 8 days (those that have had a baby can read between the lines on that one). So that helped a lot. Two, BABYWEARING. I kinda, sorta got into it with Porter but with Scarlett, it is a lifesaver. I am not sure how parents have multiple kids and not wear them! I wrap her daily. She loves it and I have two hands. Three, I nurse. This (and running after Porter) has allowed me to lose all my pregnancy weight in two weeks and best of all, you can nurse anywhere! It is easy, always with me and fast. I struggled with nursing with Porter and after the first week, nursing has been great with the lil bug.

I am for sure not trying to brag or paint a picture of perfection. Trust me, you won't find any of that around here. More like a picture of reality. I am sitting in a room scattered with toys and there are two piles of laundry that need to be put away. My house isn't HGTV ready and I have not a lick of makeup on but mostly, I am in heaven. I decided it is all about perspective. If I concentrated on different things (like the toddler that has said "mama" 10 times in the past 5 seconds but doesn't need anything) then I would get more swallowed up. But for now, I concentrate on the kids, doing at least something around the house every day, getting a shower in and cooking yummy meals. And I can handle that much.... for now.

Welcome Earthside Scarlett Sinclaire

Sitting down to write Scarlett's birth story, I have a hard time deciding where to start. There is so much to say about the journey. So much I want to say about the experience. I learned a lot about myself in the birth of my daughter. I got much more than I ever thought I would.

I was about 9 days past my EDD. Pfffft. Due dates are stupid anyway. We believe babies come when they are ready to. But, I will say heading past 41 weeks with a really busy toddler at home and a back that was pretty much in constant pain, I was R-E-A-D-Y. As soon as we passed 41 weeks I gave up and just decided I would be pregnant forever and my anxiety calmed and I surrendered that part to my body and she would come in her own time.

Thursday night came and I found myself wide awake in bed at 10 pm. Nothing was happening, I just simply couldn’t sleep. I went down and watched TV till midnight and finally fell asleep. At about 4:45 AM I woke up. Not “contracting”, more crampy grumblings, barely noticeable. I went downstairs so I didn’t wake anyone and watched more TV. By the time Neil and Porter got up at 6:30-7:00 I had had 6 or so “grumblings” (like my technical term?), but still wasn’t comfortable calling it labor. I texted my doula, Rose to let her know, my mom and just kinda waited. My mom called my sister who headed up from Tucson. She was planning on coming home that weekend anyways, she just left right then*in case* which I told her she was silly to do, as I was not even “in labor”.

As the morning progressed, I became confident that they were contractions, though they were totally manageable and didn’t keep me from doing anything. At that point I had maybe 4-5 an hour but they were maybe 20 seconds. My sister neared our home and suggested she come get Porter so that I could rest and focus. She stopped to get me a Starbucks (gotta love it!) and picked up Porter about 9:30 AM. In my mind, I was thinking I would see him after his nap at 3:00 still pregnant but figured he would enjoy spending time with my mom and her.

At this point, I let my midwife know, more as a friend then anything. I really wasn’t convinced I would have her anytime soon and didn’t want to get any hopes up. I just wanted her to know. I told Neil I was going to take a shower and relax. I stepped in the shower, let the warm water hit me and out of nowhere I broke down with overwhelming sobs. I wasn’t sad. I was full. I couldn’t believe how much I loved my son and how I couldn’t imagine my life without his sweet face. And now, I got to do it again. I couldn’t imagine a life with that times TWO. It was a very humbling realization. How lucky we have been. We were at the end of 2 very healthy, low risk amazing pregnancies and our family was about to be blessed once again and I knew that our family would never be the same.

I climbed in my bed to relax, watch DVR’ed TV shows and I distracted myself getting ready. Neil came upstairs to lay with me. Around 10:30 there was a marked change in my contractions. No doubting what they were. I looked at Neil and told him we should time them during our show just to check. I was just not convinced that my labor would go any kind of fast after my 16 hr first baby. So, I started timing at 10:30. They were 10 min apart for 3 of them. Then 6 minutes apart by 11:00 AM, sometimes only 4 min. They were short, 20-30 seconds, but they were real! I let my birth team know that there was a change and maybe they should be on their way soon. I was breathing and moving through them perfectly. They were very manageable so I didn’t want to rush them. Both my midwife and doula (bless their hearts) said they would “mosey” over “and set up the birth tub, in case”. That is birth speak for they are right down the street and are reading through the lines and it was the right time to come.

By noon, I was on my labor ball leaning over my bed. They were fairly intense. The only thing that made it feel better was Neil’s hands putting very, very firm pressure and squeezing on my lower back. Our doula showed up, sat with me for a bit and started setting up the birth tub. Stephanie, our midwife, appeared just after. I tried to put on my Hypnobabies but it was not working for me. I was in too active of labor to try and relax. Instead, Neil put on my favorite, Van Morrison Pandora channel on and I went back to my birth ball. Breathing very smoothly and peacefully though my contractions. I used every bit of my Hypnobabies at that point, I retreated into my head and breathed through the intense contractions. I have no idea on time at this point.

As the birth tub was being set up, I couldn’t wait to get in it. Once I did, it felt SO good. I needed and I mean NEEDED Neil for every single contraction. The harder he pressed on my lower back the better it felt. I clung with both hands to my doula and had Neil in the back for every single wave. They were coming fast and intense. I felt her move down. Up until that point, I had vocalized and handled everything extraordinarily well. Even I was impressed how I was able to stay present in the moment.

Then, I got scared. Everything happened so fast I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. My midwife warned me about this and even said if I found myself in that position to try and surrender to it. Well….. I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready. It hurt. I couldn’t believe I was feeling pushy already. So, I quit. Yep. I quit my birth. I started fighting my body. And it fought back. I begged for pain meds and the hospital cause I “couldn’t do it” (truth be known, I probably could have pushed her out then THAT’S how close I was). I got into the shower then with Neil to help relieve the pain. Finally, my doula and midwife got real with me. Which is just what I needed. They said I could fight and make it miserable or work with it and I decided to get back in the labor tub and have my baby.

But, on the way back to the tub, I had a major contraction and spotted our guest room bed and bee lined for it. It felt SO good to lie down on my back. This is pretty anti homebirth. Birthing on your back makes no sense. It fights gravity and most women don’t find it the best position to birth in. For me, it wasn’t the position, it was the Temperpedic mattress. My back labor was so bad it felt good to have the mattress mold to my back. I was asked 1000 times if I wanted to switch positions or go to the tub and I said I couldn’t make it and wasn’t going anywhere. Stephanie (my midwife) checked me and the baby’s head was right there. I just needed to push. At this point my water had not broke. With Porter, my water broke just before pushing so I wasn’t surprised.

I did what I thought was pushing but with no progress. Stephanie then started guiding me and helping me listen to my body to push her out. She gently talked me through pushing so that I wouldn’t tear and it went beautifully. It was not until those minutes I was ready to give birth. About 20 minutes of pushing and Scarlett was born. She was born at 3:42 completely in the caul with her little hand up by her cheek. The term in the caul means she was born in the amniotic sac and my water never broke. There are lots of (good) superstitions about caul babies. That they have a second sight, that they are very lucky or if they are sailors they will never drown at sea. It is a very unique thing. Because of my positioning, we got amazing pictures.

She was passed to me and Neil was supporting/holding my upper body. She didn’t cry, she was beautiful and perfect. Everyone in the room lost it. Tears of joy abounded as our little girl joined us in complete peace, Earthside. And just like that, the pain was gone and the pride swelled up. I was so proud. Proud of my baby, proud of my husband who supported me 100% through the whole thing and I was proud of myself. I have never been more proud than I am in my birthing times. I did it. Two perfect homebirths just as they needed to be. The same amazing birth teams that are now best friends. My sister held my hand for both my babies, a good friend was there taking pictures, Stephanie’s amazing apprentice (and friend) and Rose, our doula, without whom I don’t think I could have a baby. It was perfect.

Scarlett Sinclaire weighed in at 7 lb 12 oz and 20 inches long. She had/has a full head of dark hair and the bluest eyes. She looked like a mini, girl version of Porter. She nursed like a champ, she got her “Stephanie hat” specially made for her and got sung happy birthday by her midwife. All this about 5 hrs after I started timing contractions! Amazing and a definite unexpected bonus.

Looking back at her birth, sometimes I am sad/disappointed I didn’t “do better” or that I got scared and fought it for so long. I really know better. But, I think about birth like a skyscraper building. The bottom being the start of labor and the penthouse being the finish line. And, for me, there are 3 people involved. Me, the baby and God/Universe. And for birth to happen, we all 3 have to be on the same level in the penthouse to get it done. For Scarlett’s birth, God and the baby were a couple floors ahead of me. And I got there, in my own time, the way I needed to get there. Everything was made beautiful in it’s own time.

Kids Room Update

I have been a furious nester this last couple months. In my defense, we moved into our house in a rush, unpacked in a rush and never really settled in. My home is important to me. I like everything just so and painted and decorated. Yeah, thats right, I hang stuff. But so far, there has been no time and even less funds for a home makeover.

But, I bargain shopped, planned and made the kids room come together! It was fairly inexpensive. Some paint, my Craigslist finds and some gifts from Grandma Helen and we came together nicely. I am IN LOVE with my childrens room. In love. It is my favorite spot in the house. The colors are perfect and cheery. I think it is perfect for them to share.

I am about 80% done. My hubby needs to put up some white chair rail and I need to get Scarlett's red bedding. I *think* I have my hubby convinced to paint the crib white too, since we have the paint and will only cost us man power. I can touch up the base boards and door trim too. I bought inexpensive, bright frames from Ikea and want to do a gallery wall and hang some Very Hungry Caterpillar prints that Grandma Helen just bought them. I think it came out just smashing. These are some progression pictures I took on my phone. I will snap some better ones when we are complete!

The BEST Un-Baby Shower Ever

I have not written in this thing in SO long! I have to catch up my posts. Needless to say things have been ka-razy (when are they not?). But we are winding down and ready for baby Scarlett to arrive. As of today, we are one week away from my guess date. I cannot believe it! I am feeling caught up and ready now at least. Now, time to relax and calm down.
This entire pregnancy has been really, really busy and somewhat stressed. I have worked full time, we have been on our debt diet and we have a busy toddler to chase after. Makes for one crazed schedule. I am glad that we have hunkered down and made these short term sacrifices to enjoy more going forward.

But, sometimes I feel like Scarlett got the short end of the stick in my pregnancy with her. Poor second babies. I spent SO much time (and money) thinking, dreaming and fantasizing during Porter's pregnancy. I bought all the "stuff", to then learn I didn't need 80% of it. I had showers and gifts bought and TONS of generosity. Porter was a very typical first time baby. This baby, people would ask about a shower and I politely declined. I dunno why, I just thought with the second, you don't have showers. Plus, times are tough for most everyone I know. I don't "need" anything, we are blessed. I don't want anyone spending lots of resources when in the end, that is not what babies are all about.

In my mama circle we do what’s called a "Blessingway". It is basically a no-gift shower where people bring poems, stories, passages, candles are passed down, birth-y type stuff and general well wishes. Lovely, huh? Except if you are me. I get uncomfortable as the center of attention (yes, shockingly I do) and say all the wrong things when there is an outpouring of sentiment. I'm Chandler Bing. So, I kinda settled on not having anything and being low key and ok about it.

Buuuut, my awesome, wonderful group of mama's got together and planned an un-baby shower, un-Blessingway for me and baby Scarlett! My friend Laura generously used her house and my other bestie Andra helped plan it. It was a no gift, potluck ladies get together/celebration for Scarlett. The food was amazing. Seriously so so so good. A group of my closest friends and family were all there to chat, eat and hang out. It was PERFECT. Baby Scarlett got the honor she deserves without the silly games and lavish gifts. After all, these ladies, not any "stuff" got me through raising Porter thus far so it was very fitting. More suiting for me, anyways. We laughed and joked. You had to be present to get the um, dirty details, but suffice it to say, it was a blast. We are one fun group of mom's. I'm pretty sure I can say it was unlike any baby shower I have ever been to and I mean that in the best way possible. I am SO grateful and I will never forget how special I felt.

Second to the food and company, they all conspired DID get me a gift. Cheaters. They all threw in money to go towards the purchase of a woven wrap. For those of you that aren't baby wearers (do I know anyone that isn't?? well, anyway....) woven wraps are very beautiful, very awesome, very EXPENSIVE child carrying apparatus'. They are simply gorgeous but simply not in our budget. Women in cultures around the world have been "wearing" their babies for thousands of years. There are SO many benefits to it that I won't go into. But, there is no way we could part with the money to buy one so it has just been something to lust after. But, no more! It was the perfect gift. Something that everyone could contribute to and make a huge impact for me. I couldn't think of anything better, more desired, more heart felt.

I could finally afford my dream wrap. I had wanted an Ellevill Grasshopper woven wrap for SO long. It is 50/50 bamboo cotton blend and just divine. No other word fits it. Luxury to the max. It is woven in India and sent here. It is fabric art. I love it. I hemmed and hawed even after the generous gift about getting something more practical (or so I thought), since I am new to wrapping. If I let something so gorgeous sit in my closet, it would be a sin. But, I know some expert, master wrappers that have offered to come help me learn all the tricks. I'm stoked. It is the most natural and gorgeous way to carry your baby. Bonus.... babies love it too. It lets mama be hands free and baby skin to skin. Looking past her 70's look.... isn't it GORGEOUS?!

And it is mine! All mine. I just bit the bullet and ordered it. I cannot wait to put a new squishy baby in it. I have so much gratitude in my heart for the generosity of my friends. I cannot thank them enough. It is my most sentimental Scarlett gift, who has been the stereotypical "second kid/pregnancy", had a room full out "aunties" that managed to spoil and cherish her in every way that a baby deserves to be. The world is waiting with baited breath baby girl, for you to pick your birthday. There are great things in store for you, you are loved already more than you know.

Ch..Ch...Ch...Changes for the P-man

Lots of changes around here! We are closing in on 6 weeks till baby Scarlett, the long awaited end of summer and our little boy blossoming more and more every day.

Porter has grown up so much in the last 2 months. His speech exploded, his signs exploded, his comprehension exploded. He is a full blown toddler. And a really, really busy one. He has two speeds, go fast and sleeping.

He started to climb out of his pack and play at daycare and has now graduated to sleeping on a mat and pillow with the big kids. That is a big deal. No sides, no rails, no restraint. And he LOVES it. Sleeps 2-2.5 hrs like that every afternoon. We also made the transition to one nap per day,so he sleeps one chunk and is ready for bed by 7:15 and sleeps through till about 6:45-7:00 the next morning. Pretty sweet... enter newborn. Sigh. I am spoiled by P-man's awesome sleep schedule.

So we have decided he is probably ready for a big boy bed. He gravitates towards it. Neil and I decided long ago we wouldn't force such things on him but if he was interested, we would oblige.

Our next big decision, our kids will share a room. Yep, boy and girl, brother and sister. We figure while they are little,no bigs. Plenty of kids do it and we only have 3 bedrooms. I want to save my guest room/office/craft room since it actually gets used. When kids are little, I feel like they only sleep in their rooms. Unless we are all upstairs, Porter is never in his room so we will save the sq footage and they will bunk up! I think they will find it comforting in the end. By the time Porter is 4-5 we will look at moving him into his own room. Essentially, it still will be his own room for a good while since Scarlett will be in our room for 6 months or so.

So, I had to re-think my decorating scheme! Something cute and boy/girl friendly. So, I tossed tons of ideas around, scoured tons of blogs. Then, a good friend suggested I look at Pottery Barn Kids new Very Hungry Catepillar collection. It is bright, fun and has coordinating boy/girl stuff. And... I LOVE it! SO stinking cute. But SO stinking expensive. So, I will buy P the duvet cover, Scarlett a matching crib sheet and maybe a couple decorative pillows as we can afford them. Other than that, we are on a budget! In the end it will look really cute and pull together nicely it just won't be 100% of the collection.

Super cute huh?! I love bright color for kids. I am not into pastels or super baby-ish stuff. I think it will be really fun. And I love the story and coordination too. I think it will grow with the kids. So, I decided to paint the room 1/3 a leafy green and the top 1/3 a dusty sky blue and separate them with crisp white chair rail. I then had to choose a bed for Porter. We didn't want to spend a whole lot since it will just last a couple years. We also skipped the toddler bed (I think they are pointless) and went right to a twin. Ikea had a cheap $40.00 raw wood bed that is low to the ground and perfect. I thought $40.00 for the bed, $30.00 for the slats and $100 for the mattress. Not too bad I suppose. But, then I scored the exact bed, brand new for $15.00 on Craigslist INCLUDING the slats and 3 miles from our house. That saved over $60.00. Then I had a $20.00 return card, bringing the mattress down to $80.00. So under $100.00 for a brand new, big boy bed. Not too shabs.

So it started looking a little boring. A little sad. I couldn't leave it that color! For $15.00 I could afford to paint it something fun and bold. Especially with cute bedding! So, after thinking about it, I settled on bright red. It matches the bedding and then Scarlett's coordinating crib stuff will be red and white gingham! It will coordinate perfect and be so bright and happy. So, $23.00 worth of tinted primer (since we chose red, the paint guys said a tinted primer is a MUST) and lady bug red, high gloss paint we were good to go!

We decided to do 2 thin coats of tinted primer to make sure the wood would accept the red well.

We had a good system. Neil rolled and I did the minor touch ups in the crevices and cracks. We let it dry while we ate and got Porter ready for bed. Then came the red!

The color up close is awesome and exactly what I wanted. Whew. I took these pics before I touched it up to show the difference. There are no pink spots now I promise! We will let it dry overnight and I have brand new leaf green sheets to put on it. Next up, painting the room and getting the duvet. I am really impressed with how good it turned out. It is perfect for Porter. I can't wait to see it all come together!

Live Like No One Else

When you live a life as jam packed as we do, I always appreciate a good 'ol fashioned dose of, perspective shall we say.  It is good for me to remember why Neil and I make the choices we do and the sacrifices we make because we know in the end, our family will be stronger for it.

Where did I get my dose of perspective today???  Um, a tree house.

Yes.... a tree house.

We loosely follow Dave Ramsey's cash/budget system (which I cannot WAIT for my blog post on that.  I will do a final tally of how much we have been able to pay off using this method.  Lets just say... it is A LOT).  One of my favorite Dave Ramsey ism's is a reasoning for living such a strictly budgeted/monitored life style.  And that reason is "Live like no one else, so that you can live like no one else". Hmmmm, thanks Dave.  It is not so easy when I want a new sliding glass door or the $900 GORGEOUS Pottery Barn Crib. And those are the frivolous things.  Last month it was the pool pump, new tire, an AC repair.... I could go on and on.  We made it through though. It was REAL tight, but, alas, eventually we will have complete financial freedom someday.  And when we do folks.... I am building a tree house.

Ok, maybe not if we stay in AZ.  I am a Midwest girl.  Michigan to be exact. There are actual trees there that have grown since the beginning of ever and not planted according to a landscaping design. Neil grew up with real trees in SC too. So, if we ever move to my dream city, Charleston, SC or thereabouts, I will have my sleepy, charming Southern house and out back I wanna have trees big enough to build my dream tree house. 

My inspiration piece....

Gorgeous huh? It was built as a tribute to a man that loved that particular tree and passed away.  It is not just for kids, it is a outside gathering place for adults and families.  In my tree house dream, this would be my office/guest cottage/summer time fun place.  Eventually, both Neil and I want to be completely self employed and instead of a boring 'ol home office.... how bout this?? See, I have to remind myself, that the sacrifices we are making now will enable us to dream big in the future.  Looks expensive huh?  It wasn't. No plumbing (walk 500 ft to the house, that'll do just fine). It is all reclaimed wood, vintage windows and sweat equity.  A lot was bartered. Big dreams don't always mean big price tags.  This was built over the course of a year. Ours would have to be built the same way.  Ours would need an extended deck so Neil could BBQ.  I imagine we would have constant backyard parties, cookouts, and "camp" in it with our kids.  If you need to find Neil, he most likely would be in the hammock with Bailey curled up beneath him. Neil and I would enjoy many o bottle of great red wine on the porch since we would rather be home watching our kids run around with friends and family than go out.  I can have an office that affords me the ability to work and be home at the same time. My kids will no doubt tear through it in mere seconds. Bliss. 

I would want it just as this one is.  Minimalistic, country and simple.  A gathering place for friends and family on our very own land.  That would be a dream for me.  I have to remind myself that it is OK to have not-so- normal goals.  That is why Neil and I do what we do.  So that we can think outside the box.  And it may never happen, I realize that.  But it doesn't cost anything to think about it or to push outside the realm of normal.  Who says you can't have a tree house when you grow up?  Live like no one else.  It is possible, just not popular.  But I have always been a bit off the beaten path.  And I wanna teach my kids that they can be too.  In our home, happiness is spelled f-a-m-i-l-y and our kids can one day roll their eyes at their parents that chose to go to work in a tree rather than an office and somehow made it work. We have a long, long, long way to go till this is our reality.  It may never come.  Perhaps one day it will.... I can only hope!

Super Mom???

If you notice my handy little baby ticker at the top of my blog, you will see that little Scarlett will be here in approximately 69 days. 69 DAYS! I must admit, in some ways I am so ready. I (strangely) am not one of those people that LOVES being pregnant. At this point, I feel like a house that waddles everywhere and I can’t wait to not pee every 10-15 minutes and wear a belt. And the heat…. Don’t even get me started. But, I kind of have “new parent” jitters a little. I have a confession……. I don’t solidly remember what it is like to have a newborn. *Gasp* I mean, it is probably a bit like riding a bike and every baby is different, but truly, I have to reach pretty far back to remember specific details about Porter’s early days. It seems like a whole life ago.


I have different mama friends email and contact me a lot with various questions. And, I kind of laugh to myself when they come rolling in. Silly rabbits, I am NO expert. In fact, most days I’m a mess (or my house is, pick your pleasure). I get frustrated with my tantruming son, I argue with my husband and I feel like I can never quite do anything well enough because I am doing so much. But I really love my life and I really, really love my family. Most days, it is great. I get the “I don’t know how you do it all” a lot from acquaintance type people. My internal response is, “ummm, I don’t”. But I smile and nod and say “oh, I don’t know, one day at a time”. But I try really hard every day. I try to be the best version of myself possible. But I fail and fall short a ton. Sooooo, add another little human in the mix and this Type A-ish planner mom starts to hyperventilate. I feel like a newbie all over again. How do you have a newborn again??

I haven’t nursed in almost a year. I had some major issues with it even though I loved it. A newborn nurses 10-12 times a day. *duh* I knew that…… I just forgot. How do I squeeze that in?! Oh and did you know, newborns don’t take two naps and the same 11 hours at night like P man has for the last 8 months. (Insert sarcasm here) Yeah, I knew that too. I will be at the mercy of a little tiny being. All. the. time. I converse several times a week with different new mommies about these same issues. Exhaustion, pumping, relationships, hormones. Oh and I know it is worth it. New babies are the BEST things on Earth (along with cinnamon rolls and Mexican food). I love squishy, new bugs. I just forgot I am having one. She will actually be a real live, newborn baby with all that comes with. Yes, I did this once before. God only knows how. I told a mama friend just last night that there were times I took the “lets just get through this and screw what doctors, books, parents and advice says, I need sleep and insanity is the only other option”. There were times Porter spent the first part of the night in his car seat next to us (I know, I know, gasp, shock, awe) because for some reason that was the ONLY place he would not cry and actually slept. I’m pretty sure Neil has come dangerously close to falling asleep while bouncing on my yoga ball with a teeny Porter in his arms. We have done the “is he breathing? Ok, awesome, don’t touch him” thing and left him to sleep wherever he was at. Neil and I have had the oh- so- fun- fight when Porter was 3 weeks old and Neil came home to a house that was torn apart, an unshowered mom and baby and said “ um, what did you do all day?” BOOM! Explosion. Mama meltdown. **Side note; that was really early on, Neil knows now not to ask such things. He learned quickly because he easily does half the baby work. He knows as well as I do how much work being a parent is. He is a really involved, amazing daddy that puts up with this crazy mama a lot.**

And that was with one. One baby. Nothing else to do but my one baby and I still don’t know how we made it through. Now I start all over…..but with a toddler. That tantrums, is a wild man and is the cutest busiest little thing ever. How will I re-learn everything and still do all that I can’t seem to do now?! Cue breathing into a paper bag. I dunno what I was expecting….. I guess to throw the wee one in a wrap and away we go. Maybe it will go that way. Who knows? Maybe I have super mom syndrome and some things will just have to give. But what will that do to my psyche? I like taking showers and having a clean house. Can I still do (not do) it all?? What gives?

Don’t misunderstand me. I am so, unbelievably stoked to have my baby girl join our family. I make Neil listen in great detail to all my plans for Christmas time and all the things we are gonna do as a family of 4. I can’t wait. It isn’t her I second guess, she is perfect. It is me. I wanna be the best wife, mama, person who plays accountant, friend, home maker etc. etc. that I can be. I am hoping I can be all those things for her and still be those things for Porter and hope that there is something left for Neil. I’m scared I’ll fall short. I’m scared I already do. So I tell myself what I have told my friends. Plenty of women have walked this path before me and been just fine. I will figure it out as I go, just as I did once before. I am NO expert. But I don’t need to be. All I can be is me and hope that will be enough. And also hope, from time to time, that one of my fellow mama friends pours me a big ‘ol glass of red wine and tells me I am doing great and greasy hair and no makeup is the new black.

What's New in our Neck of the Woods

Did you think I forgot about my dear ‘ol blog? Truth be told, it has been awhile. Truth be told, I have been really busy….. and stressed…… and tired. Closing in on 30 weeks pregnant in the middle of the AZ summer is no fun!


What is new in the Smith casa…..one thing is our new cloth diapering venture. After lots of minor bouts with Porter being red tush’ied and a few major bouts, we decided that with the new baby, we will skip all that and just straight cloth diaper her. There are so many reasons to cloth diaper. My top ones were one, Porter’s sensitive skin. Cloth diapered babies tend to not get diaper rash as bad or frequently. Two, harsh chemicals. I’ll leave you to research that one. Suffice it to say that it is pretty harsh stuff babies getting chemical burns from disposables and the list of chemicals is crazy. Yeow-za. No good. Three, cost savings. Duh, no brainer. Although, I tend to go a wee bit crazy and I will have 2 kiddos in dipes. My saving grace… name brand cloth diapers in excellent condition get 80% or so of their investment back. So, I can always sell them and not be out any more money than if I used disposables.

I am fortunate to have lots and lots of cloth diapering friends that held my hand through this process. My girlfriend Laura is a Go Baby Go representative and she came over and went through all different kinds and types with me. I have bought most of my diapers through them. They are fantastic, check out their fluff here. With Scarlett coming soon, we decided to semi switch P-man while he is at home with us to test them out, save some money and become cloth diaper experts by the time Scarlett comes. The verdict? So far, so good! I really like it. It is easy and Porter has really taken to it. I think he likes how soft they are and they just look so darn cute on him!

Cloth diapers have come a long, long way. They are not your old school diapers that is for sure. And like most things, everyone has a brand preference. My favorites so far are Grovia’s,

Grovia Hybrid Diaper

These are a hybrid diaper that can be a disposable and re-useable. Pretty great concept. They can be used with a disposable insert or a re-useable one. Great for on the go and travelling. They fit P well too.

My new favorite….. RUMPAROOZ!! These are a pocket style diaper so you can adjust the absorbency. The new G2’s have a super soft, non piling inside and the coolest insert ever. You can snap it to fit a boy or a girl so they get maximum protection the areas they need it. Another bonus, based on the reviews I read, they snap down to be really small, so they are a true birth to potty training diaper. I love the gussets on the sides and it is really maximum leak protection for the bigger babies like Porter. These are just awesome!

Rumparooz G2

Third favorite, one of Neil’s most favorite, is Bum Genius. We only have one or two. Neil likes Velcro closure and really liked the way it fit Porter when he got him dressed for bed the other night. I like them too and they come with a slightly more affordable price tag.

Bum Genius Pocket Diaper

Last but not least…… my splurge…… made by the same company as Rumparooz are Lil Joey’s. They are newborn all in one diapers. And ohmygosh are they cute. Teeny teeny tiny. They snap down for the umbilical cord and fit from 4-12 lb. Hence the splurge. They will only fit her for a few months. But, because they will be in such good condition, I , again can sell them and probably recoup 80% of my money. On cloth diaper forums they are usually gone in a matter of hours. They sell quick and for a high price. I won’t buy a ton of them but she will have a couple pint sized diapers to wear. I just can’t help myself. But I scour for good deals and use my reward points. I have been good about not buying anything this pregnancy so I feel ok with my obsession splurge purchase! Serious cuteness going on.

Lil Joey's aka the cutest things ever!

So there you have it. One of our latest ventures in Casa de Smith. I never knew I would be so excited about stuff my kids pee in but I am! I am constantly searching and reading. I love that my husband is on board. He says our diapers are so easy a husband can do it! While Porter still is in his Huggies at daycare, he is cloth diapered at home. I have already been able to skip one of our Amazon Mom diaper shipments and that put $35.00 in our pockets. So, even though Porter is more of a test, we are still saving a few bucks. Even for this cloth diapering novice, it is much easier and much more fun than I thought. I wish we would have switched sooner!

The Way We Were

“When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?” –Carrie Bradshaw, SATC



I came across this quote randomly last week. I am a self admitted Sex and the City addict. I have seen every episode at least 3 times. I know exactly which episode this quote is from (as well as what outfit she was wearing) and though I won’t say that my life is necessarily “scary” it is far more adult that sometimes I stop and realize. There is a switch from foot loose and fancy free to responsibility and safety nets. It is not all bad but for me, more mental balance is in order.

I made a list of 50 things to do before I die, when I was probably 17 years old. I wrote it on a piece of spiral bound, notebook paper, probably on a random afternoon when I had nothing else to do but feel inspired. I tossed it in my nightstand and continued about my life. Nothing on that list seemed that “out there” at the time. It has dawned on me. Somewhere along the line, I have become safe. And in some ways that is good. I have two houses, a full time job, a son, a little girl on the way and a husband. I have responsibilities. The dreaded “R” word. Doesn’t get more adult than that. But that is ok, for the most part, I like my responsibilities. I chose them, I have always wanted them.

But, I am at a kind of crossroads in my life, a time of great change, there are some big things on the horizon and sometimes I wonder how the younger, saucier, more confident Linsay would take it on. Failure never really occurred to me as a young person. I have always worked hard, been smart and thought creatively. I had faith everything would fall into place if I stayed true to myself and stayed those three things. Sometimes I wonder what she would say now looking down the current barrel of my life. Her “youthful blindness” is something I miss sometimes. The real world has stolen most of that away. My rose colored glasses are gone along is my once ever present style and panache. They have been replaced with constant self doubt, reconciliation of past mistakes, bigger hips, much less sleep but probably a more real, well rounded (literally) individual.

It is not a bad thing, how I am now. That is not what I mean. Now, I laugh a little at my list. I laugh at my priorities but still, I don’t wanna forget them. I like that daring girl. I like that I had self confidence and cared less about what people thought and more about what would make my life full. I know I wrote all of them for myself and nobody else. I included such things as “own a pair of leather pants and know I look good in them” and “learn to tango”. Now, I get that I am a whopping 28 years old, plenty of time to tango. But, now… I don’t really want to learn. I’m self conscious, I don’t want people looking at me, my body has had (going on) 2 kids. Not nearly the same, not as “list worthy”. My old motivation was my love of learning new things, I loved to dance and loved other cultures. Leather pants, um yeah, try stretchy pants. First of all, I live in AZ, leather pants, no way. Second of all, I have no desire to call attention to myself like that, blech. Even back then, I was not the leather pant wearing kind of girl. But I wrote it to push myself or try something new, just for fun. If it didn’t turn out like I wanted, then oh well. Funny story.

Now, I am ok with letting go with some of the things on my list, others, they are staying on there. I’m ok with not owning leather pants, but I will see Barcelona one day. That one is staying. I am just not ok with being so safe, so ok with status quo in regards to my “person”. I don’t accept that for my family, why should I accept that for myself? I have become paralyzed with the fear of failure; I have internalized most negative things said to me by those closest to me. Pair that with less time and more responsibility and the risk of failure becomes too great, right? I get swallowed up in the everyday. Now I have all of my “R’s” to think about. But maybe, just maybe, there is a middle ground. Maybe, looking down the barrel of some (possible) great things to come, I should toss away my skepticism and remember that somewhere inside there is a pretty spunky gal that once upon a time, knew what it was to have a little faith in myself. I can be that girl and the mom and wife I want to be too. How do I teach my kids to go for it, be free thinkers, and push themselves, if I am not willing to do it myself? Having a 17 mo old, I know well, kids do what you do, not what you say. I don’t see that part of parenting changing any time soon. So while, my priorities may have changed, my outfits have changed, my shoes no longer have heels, being a wife and mama is (overwhelmingly and thankfully) now priority number one. There is still enough left to put out into the world. There is still more to give. Things change, people change, I just have to remember to check in with 17 year old Linsay every now and again for a little boost of confidence and unwavering faith that I can do anything I set my mind to.

Yummy ideas anyone???

Since we are making a major eating change, I decided that we should get creative with the 'ol budget and meal planning and eat up what is in our freezer stock pile currently, so we can start fresh. Sounds easy, but I have to keep in mind we are so, so busy during the week and sometimes, stuff just plain doesn't sound good to me (thank you pregnancy!). So, I am tentatively making a 3 ish week meal plan. That should take us up to our meat delivery and pretty much eat everything we have.

So, I took a quick inventory tonight. We have:

8 packs of chicken
3 Filet Mignons
1 pack ground turkey
1 pack turkey kielbasa
4 chicken sausages
1 bistro steak ( think fajita meat)
6 packs of ground beef
1 pack Tilapia
1 pack Ahi Tuna

Total: approx 23 dinners with leftovers

Here are my dinner ideas so far:

Healthy fettuccini Alfredo (low fat, rice noodles, veggies)
Sour Cream Enchiladas (chicken)
Stir fry (chicken)
Beef and broccoli (with the bistro steak, gonna steal recipe from my friend Sarah!)
Tacos
Burgers
Enchilada Bake
Grilled Po Boy Sammiches (chicken sausage)
Chili
Grilled kielbasa with veggies
Steak and Baked Potatoes
Lemon mushroom herb chicken over Rice
Blackened Ahi and pasta

So now, I need ideas. I need a couple really yummy chicken recipes, ground beef, and tilapia. Anyone have any to die for recipes that I can try out to use my stockpile? I am hoping this will cut back on our grocery bill but we will see! I am just excited to eat it up and start fresh!

One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for the Smith-kind

We made a big decision here at Casa de Smith.  It was over a year ago that I watched Food Inc. and others of the like.  I was of course, inspired, grossed out, wanting to change our eating habits and quit my job to lobby for better food practices (ok, maybe not that far).  There is no denying, it is pretty horrific what happens to our food.  But, change is expensive and not easy.  And with our major debt diet, how do you fit that in.  So therein lies the rub.

But things are relaxing a bit (just a bit, mind you) budget wise and recently our company had a health and wellness fair where lots of health affiliated companies come out, set up booths and chat with the employees.  We (meaning Neil and I, we work for the same company) also got our blood pressure taken, sugars and cholesterol checked.  The results, for me they were ok.  For Neil, not so much. It scares me, I just want him to be healthy for our family and for himself.  But that is for another post. We signed up to get some information from a company called Fresh Foods Direct.  They specialize in all organic, free range, hormone free, organic, wild caught whatever else you can think of meats.  This is something that is hard to affordably come by unless you shop at Whole Foods (which is not affordable for us) or some other specialty stores.  But even then there are loop holes as to what they can call "organic".

So, a representative came out to our house.  He was really nice, I knew most of the stuff he was talking about already, but I must say we were very impressed. It is the hybrid we have been looking for. I have long talked about wanted to buy a 1/4 or a cow and pig so that we know what it ate and how it was raised.  But that too, is expensive and laborious. And truly organic, free range chicken is hard to come by. So this idea is delievering in bulk, all trimmed and pre packaged, sans all the salt water, hormones, antibiotics and other yucky stuff. 

While we are by no means an all organic family, I would like to try and move more towards a homespun, organic lifestyle. I/we cook probably 6 days a week, I don't allow frozen stuff (i.e. dinners, pizzas, hot pockets etc) in our house.  But if you go through our cupboards, you will find a box of Apple Jacks bought as a treat and a few cans of Pringles, cause they are my favorite.  But, for the most part, we aren't huge into processed, pre-prepared food.  Maybe like 85% of the time being really good is what I am shooting for.  I think the ramification of what is in our food will compile over the coming years and we will come to find out that it is the culprit of many modern day diseases and disorders. Especially having a girl.  We have been advised by our late pediatrician, if we can afford to feed our kids one organic thing, it should be meat.  The increase in disease and how early menstruation is happening in young girls now is astounding.  So, we take one step at a time. We take it with a grain of salt.  We have to live in the real world too, but we can adjust some of our choices. Both Neil and I want to set a healthy example for our kids and also fuel them with the best food we can.

So, gulp, we took the leap and signed up.  It ain't cheap.  But it is far less than shopping organic at main stream grocery stores.  We got a fairly size able package.  It should last us around 6 months.  We got to pick from all kinds of choices.  We have everything from ground beef, to ground turkey, to steaks, a TON of chicken, wild caught salmon, halibut, mahi mahi. Organic chicken sausages, frozen organic veggies and nitrate/hormone free bacon.  Seriously, a TON of food. We took the hit up front and will end up really the same cost wise in the end I think.  Since it is portioned and trimmed, it really limits waste.  And forces us (which we already do) to eat in all the time and use up our restaurant grade, organic meat at home.  It is hard for me to write a big check, but Neil calmed me down and talked me through how it really is in the best interest of our family and our health. And he is right.  In the end, it may cost slightly more, but it is worth it.  Gotta put our money where our beliefs are.  And it STILL is cheaper than eating out (that is a fact).

We should have our shipment in early July.  We need a deep freezer and that is pretty much it.  I am excited to try it out.  I am hoping as I have more time to focus on our family health and get back into shape post partum, that I will really hone in on health.  This is a start though.  One major staple covered.  I am hoping to grocery shop with $30.00 a week now, since our major food cost is covered.  Hoping for some new, fresh, healthy recipes and an overall lifestyle change to come..... one step at a time!

My Girl-Baby Obsessions.

If you read my little blog, you probably have heard me mention that Neil and I stick to a strict cash budget and that I am trying really hard not to buy much for little Scarlett.  Babies don't really need much and we are blessed to get so many gifts.  Scarlett will sure not want for much.  However, I am finding myself gravitating towards certain items over and over again...... but I will say, while they are not cheap, they are useful!  I keep a small "wish list" and I may snag one or two of them by the time she makes her appearance.

My Latest Obsessions:

1.  A woven wrap.

I am MUCH more comfortable with baby wearing and intend to do it everyday with lil Scarlett baby.  So convenient when they are little.  I am lusting after a woven wrap. I joke and say the this is what the "die hard" baby wearer's use.  They are simply gorgeous.  Woven's are not stretchy like a Moby, and they are SO soft. Reminds me of wearable art. I have it narrowed to 2-3.  I may opt for a woven ring sling.  Ease and beauty with that one!  Now that I know it is a girl, I LOVE the gorgeous colors. All hand woven, organic and beautiful.  Sigh.....

It has a lovely color on color pattern.  Silverpink.

This one is a new, lighter weave.  I love the Raspberry color.

Called Fresh Grapes..... Just lovely.

2. Cloth Diapers

We have decided to cloth diaper baby Scarlett.  At least for 6 months. It is not so much the cost savings (though that is great), I am debating on whether or not it is actually savings, since cloth diapers are expensive and I get great deals on disposables.  But,  Porter has suffered from terrible diaper rash and what I call permanent red butt syndrome.  We have switched him to the pure and natural diapers, but if you read about the chemicals found in disposable... yikes! Many are outlawed in other countries.  Anyway, sensitive skin runs in the Smith family, cloth diapers are much more convenient and babies with sensitive tushes tend to do better in them.  I wanna start buying one a paycheck and build my stash!  I am not sure on brands or styles, I plan on taking a mini seminar and I have lots of friends with Ph.D. in cloth diapers.



Bum Genius.  This ain't your Grandma's cloth diapers!



All-In-One

These come highly recommended, especially for little ones.

As I said, not sure which ones will work best, I just like to look and read for now.  We have a great local/online store Go Go Natural that has a very helpful owner that I will contact for sure!

3. Cribs

This obsession makes the least sense.  Our babies are in our room for 6 mo,  but I really really love looking at cribs. I never really decorated Porter's room as a baby since we were moving. So I love the idea of decorating a nursery. Even if it is more for me than the baby!  I found one (OK 20) at Pottery Barn Kids that I adore.  I mostly want a white crib for her.  I love the crispness and versatility.  I don't think we can afford the price tags on some of these, but it is fun to look at styles!