The Way We Were

“When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?” –Carrie Bradshaw, SATC



I came across this quote randomly last week. I am a self admitted Sex and the City addict. I have seen every episode at least 3 times. I know exactly which episode this quote is from (as well as what outfit she was wearing) and though I won’t say that my life is necessarily “scary” it is far more adult that sometimes I stop and realize. There is a switch from foot loose and fancy free to responsibility and safety nets. It is not all bad but for me, more mental balance is in order.

I made a list of 50 things to do before I die, when I was probably 17 years old. I wrote it on a piece of spiral bound, notebook paper, probably on a random afternoon when I had nothing else to do but feel inspired. I tossed it in my nightstand and continued about my life. Nothing on that list seemed that “out there” at the time. It has dawned on me. Somewhere along the line, I have become safe. And in some ways that is good. I have two houses, a full time job, a son, a little girl on the way and a husband. I have responsibilities. The dreaded “R” word. Doesn’t get more adult than that. But that is ok, for the most part, I like my responsibilities. I chose them, I have always wanted them.

But, I am at a kind of crossroads in my life, a time of great change, there are some big things on the horizon and sometimes I wonder how the younger, saucier, more confident Linsay would take it on. Failure never really occurred to me as a young person. I have always worked hard, been smart and thought creatively. I had faith everything would fall into place if I stayed true to myself and stayed those three things. Sometimes I wonder what she would say now looking down the current barrel of my life. Her “youthful blindness” is something I miss sometimes. The real world has stolen most of that away. My rose colored glasses are gone along is my once ever present style and panache. They have been replaced with constant self doubt, reconciliation of past mistakes, bigger hips, much less sleep but probably a more real, well rounded (literally) individual.

It is not a bad thing, how I am now. That is not what I mean. Now, I laugh a little at my list. I laugh at my priorities but still, I don’t wanna forget them. I like that daring girl. I like that I had self confidence and cared less about what people thought and more about what would make my life full. I know I wrote all of them for myself and nobody else. I included such things as “own a pair of leather pants and know I look good in them” and “learn to tango”. Now, I get that I am a whopping 28 years old, plenty of time to tango. But, now… I don’t really want to learn. I’m self conscious, I don’t want people looking at me, my body has had (going on) 2 kids. Not nearly the same, not as “list worthy”. My old motivation was my love of learning new things, I loved to dance and loved other cultures. Leather pants, um yeah, try stretchy pants. First of all, I live in AZ, leather pants, no way. Second of all, I have no desire to call attention to myself like that, blech. Even back then, I was not the leather pant wearing kind of girl. But I wrote it to push myself or try something new, just for fun. If it didn’t turn out like I wanted, then oh well. Funny story.

Now, I am ok with letting go with some of the things on my list, others, they are staying on there. I’m ok with not owning leather pants, but I will see Barcelona one day. That one is staying. I am just not ok with being so safe, so ok with status quo in regards to my “person”. I don’t accept that for my family, why should I accept that for myself? I have become paralyzed with the fear of failure; I have internalized most negative things said to me by those closest to me. Pair that with less time and more responsibility and the risk of failure becomes too great, right? I get swallowed up in the everyday. Now I have all of my “R’s” to think about. But maybe, just maybe, there is a middle ground. Maybe, looking down the barrel of some (possible) great things to come, I should toss away my skepticism and remember that somewhere inside there is a pretty spunky gal that once upon a time, knew what it was to have a little faith in myself. I can be that girl and the mom and wife I want to be too. How do I teach my kids to go for it, be free thinkers, and push themselves, if I am not willing to do it myself? Having a 17 mo old, I know well, kids do what you do, not what you say. I don’t see that part of parenting changing any time soon. So while, my priorities may have changed, my outfits have changed, my shoes no longer have heels, being a wife and mama is (overwhelmingly and thankfully) now priority number one. There is still enough left to put out into the world. There is still more to give. Things change, people change, I just have to remember to check in with 17 year old Linsay every now and again for a little boost of confidence and unwavering faith that I can do anything I set my mind to.

Yummy ideas anyone???

Since we are making a major eating change, I decided that we should get creative with the 'ol budget and meal planning and eat up what is in our freezer stock pile currently, so we can start fresh. Sounds easy, but I have to keep in mind we are so, so busy during the week and sometimes, stuff just plain doesn't sound good to me (thank you pregnancy!). So, I am tentatively making a 3 ish week meal plan. That should take us up to our meat delivery and pretty much eat everything we have.

So, I took a quick inventory tonight. We have:

8 packs of chicken
3 Filet Mignons
1 pack ground turkey
1 pack turkey kielbasa
4 chicken sausages
1 bistro steak ( think fajita meat)
6 packs of ground beef
1 pack Tilapia
1 pack Ahi Tuna

Total: approx 23 dinners with leftovers

Here are my dinner ideas so far:

Healthy fettuccini Alfredo (low fat, rice noodles, veggies)
Sour Cream Enchiladas (chicken)
Stir fry (chicken)
Beef and broccoli (with the bistro steak, gonna steal recipe from my friend Sarah!)
Tacos
Burgers
Enchilada Bake
Grilled Po Boy Sammiches (chicken sausage)
Chili
Grilled kielbasa with veggies
Steak and Baked Potatoes
Lemon mushroom herb chicken over Rice
Blackened Ahi and pasta

So now, I need ideas. I need a couple really yummy chicken recipes, ground beef, and tilapia. Anyone have any to die for recipes that I can try out to use my stockpile? I am hoping this will cut back on our grocery bill but we will see! I am just excited to eat it up and start fresh!

One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for the Smith-kind

We made a big decision here at Casa de Smith.  It was over a year ago that I watched Food Inc. and others of the like.  I was of course, inspired, grossed out, wanting to change our eating habits and quit my job to lobby for better food practices (ok, maybe not that far).  There is no denying, it is pretty horrific what happens to our food.  But, change is expensive and not easy.  And with our major debt diet, how do you fit that in.  So therein lies the rub.

But things are relaxing a bit (just a bit, mind you) budget wise and recently our company had a health and wellness fair where lots of health affiliated companies come out, set up booths and chat with the employees.  We (meaning Neil and I, we work for the same company) also got our blood pressure taken, sugars and cholesterol checked.  The results, for me they were ok.  For Neil, not so much. It scares me, I just want him to be healthy for our family and for himself.  But that is for another post. We signed up to get some information from a company called Fresh Foods Direct.  They specialize in all organic, free range, hormone free, organic, wild caught whatever else you can think of meats.  This is something that is hard to affordably come by unless you shop at Whole Foods (which is not affordable for us) or some other specialty stores.  But even then there are loop holes as to what they can call "organic".

So, a representative came out to our house.  He was really nice, I knew most of the stuff he was talking about already, but I must say we were very impressed. It is the hybrid we have been looking for. I have long talked about wanted to buy a 1/4 or a cow and pig so that we know what it ate and how it was raised.  But that too, is expensive and laborious. And truly organic, free range chicken is hard to come by. So this idea is delievering in bulk, all trimmed and pre packaged, sans all the salt water, hormones, antibiotics and other yucky stuff. 

While we are by no means an all organic family, I would like to try and move more towards a homespun, organic lifestyle. I/we cook probably 6 days a week, I don't allow frozen stuff (i.e. dinners, pizzas, hot pockets etc) in our house.  But if you go through our cupboards, you will find a box of Apple Jacks bought as a treat and a few cans of Pringles, cause they are my favorite.  But, for the most part, we aren't huge into processed, pre-prepared food.  Maybe like 85% of the time being really good is what I am shooting for.  I think the ramification of what is in our food will compile over the coming years and we will come to find out that it is the culprit of many modern day diseases and disorders. Especially having a girl.  We have been advised by our late pediatrician, if we can afford to feed our kids one organic thing, it should be meat.  The increase in disease and how early menstruation is happening in young girls now is astounding.  So, we take one step at a time. We take it with a grain of salt.  We have to live in the real world too, but we can adjust some of our choices. Both Neil and I want to set a healthy example for our kids and also fuel them with the best food we can.

So, gulp, we took the leap and signed up.  It ain't cheap.  But it is far less than shopping organic at main stream grocery stores.  We got a fairly size able package.  It should last us around 6 months.  We got to pick from all kinds of choices.  We have everything from ground beef, to ground turkey, to steaks, a TON of chicken, wild caught salmon, halibut, mahi mahi. Organic chicken sausages, frozen organic veggies and nitrate/hormone free bacon.  Seriously, a TON of food. We took the hit up front and will end up really the same cost wise in the end I think.  Since it is portioned and trimmed, it really limits waste.  And forces us (which we already do) to eat in all the time and use up our restaurant grade, organic meat at home.  It is hard for me to write a big check, but Neil calmed me down and talked me through how it really is in the best interest of our family and our health. And he is right.  In the end, it may cost slightly more, but it is worth it.  Gotta put our money where our beliefs are.  And it STILL is cheaper than eating out (that is a fact).

We should have our shipment in early July.  We need a deep freezer and that is pretty much it.  I am excited to try it out.  I am hoping as I have more time to focus on our family health and get back into shape post partum, that I will really hone in on health.  This is a start though.  One major staple covered.  I am hoping to grocery shop with $30.00 a week now, since our major food cost is covered.  Hoping for some new, fresh, healthy recipes and an overall lifestyle change to come..... one step at a time!

My Girl-Baby Obsessions.

If you read my little blog, you probably have heard me mention that Neil and I stick to a strict cash budget and that I am trying really hard not to buy much for little Scarlett.  Babies don't really need much and we are blessed to get so many gifts.  Scarlett will sure not want for much.  However, I am finding myself gravitating towards certain items over and over again...... but I will say, while they are not cheap, they are useful!  I keep a small "wish list" and I may snag one or two of them by the time she makes her appearance.

My Latest Obsessions:

1.  A woven wrap.

I am MUCH more comfortable with baby wearing and intend to do it everyday with lil Scarlett baby.  So convenient when they are little.  I am lusting after a woven wrap. I joke and say the this is what the "die hard" baby wearer's use.  They are simply gorgeous.  Woven's are not stretchy like a Moby, and they are SO soft. Reminds me of wearable art. I have it narrowed to 2-3.  I may opt for a woven ring sling.  Ease and beauty with that one!  Now that I know it is a girl, I LOVE the gorgeous colors. All hand woven, organic and beautiful.  Sigh.....

It has a lovely color on color pattern.  Silverpink.

This one is a new, lighter weave.  I love the Raspberry color.

Called Fresh Grapes..... Just lovely.

2. Cloth Diapers

We have decided to cloth diaper baby Scarlett.  At least for 6 months. It is not so much the cost savings (though that is great), I am debating on whether or not it is actually savings, since cloth diapers are expensive and I get great deals on disposables.  But,  Porter has suffered from terrible diaper rash and what I call permanent red butt syndrome.  We have switched him to the pure and natural diapers, but if you read about the chemicals found in disposable... yikes! Many are outlawed in other countries.  Anyway, sensitive skin runs in the Smith family, cloth diapers are much more convenient and babies with sensitive tushes tend to do better in them.  I wanna start buying one a paycheck and build my stash!  I am not sure on brands or styles, I plan on taking a mini seminar and I have lots of friends with Ph.D. in cloth diapers.



Bum Genius.  This ain't your Grandma's cloth diapers!



All-In-One

These come highly recommended, especially for little ones.

As I said, not sure which ones will work best, I just like to look and read for now.  We have a great local/online store Go Go Natural that has a very helpful owner that I will contact for sure!

3. Cribs

This obsession makes the least sense.  Our babies are in our room for 6 mo,  but I really really love looking at cribs. I never really decorated Porter's room as a baby since we were moving. So I love the idea of decorating a nursery. Even if it is more for me than the baby!  I found one (OK 20) at Pottery Barn Kids that I adore.  I mostly want a white crib for her.  I love the crispness and versatility.  I don't think we can afford the price tags on some of these, but it is fun to look at styles!