So I gave Porter a bath in our master tub since I had just cleaned it and already had his bed stuff in our room from folding laundry. I figured we would be in and out since there is not as many fun toys as there are in his bathroom. Soon to find out, our bathroom hardware is toy enough! In his bathroom we have a big plastic ducky thing covering the faucet since he bonked his head a couple times and this duck thing covers it. He was facinated with ours though and thought it was just great! Oh to be so easily amused....... I never grow tired of that little giggle.......
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Bikram Yoga Poses
Here is a the 26 steps to Bikram Yoga. It is always the same. Everything is repeated twice. The "inventor" took 10 years to develop this practice and it is designed to engages every system, every muscle, every ligament every bone in your body. Keep in mind I look nothing like this, this is what it would be if you did every move perfect, which NOBODY ever does.
POSTURES I JUST CANNOT SEEM TO DO YET:
Standing Head to Knee Pose
Helps develop concentration, patience, and determination. Physically, it tightens abdominal and thigh muscles, improves flexibility of the sciatic nerves, and strengthens the tendons, biceps of the thigh muscles, and hamstrings in the legs, in addition to the deltoid, trapezius, latissimus dorsi, scapula, biceps, and triceps
My Thoughts: Ok I know what you are thinking. Who could do this? Again, this is perfect, but it starts with balancing on one leg with your fingers laced under your foot, BEFORE the extention happens. I cannot even get to that part!
Tree Pose
By strengthening the internal oblique muscles, it prevents hernia. (This pose and the Toe Stand, are preparatory postures for the more advanced Locust Pose.)
My Thoughts: Again, this is perfect, but I cannot even get my knee to pointeven close to towars the floor. My knee is parallel to the ground. Most people can do this pose with ease, I cannot. Even Neil can even do it better! My hip flexers are super tight.
Camel Pose
What it does:
Produces maximum compression of the spine. Improves the flexibility of the neck and spine and relieves backache. The peak of the floor series. This posture stretches the abdominal organs to the maximum and cures constipation. It stretches the throat, thyroid gland, and parathyroids. Like the Bow Pose, it opens a narrow rib cage to give more space to the lungs. It also firms and slims the abdomen and the waistline. In addition, this posture allows release of emotional tension held in the body as stress, anxiety, anger and depression
My Thoughts: CAMEL POSE! It makes me sick to my stomach to look backwards. This was a challenge for me when I did Bikram years ago. It is REALLY difficult for me, but the benefits are so great.
60 Day Challenge: Week One
Monday Dec 6th:
Before: I felt busy. I didn't stop. I came home, made dinner, did dishes, cleaned bottles, fed Porter,bathed him and put him to bed. Not that Neil wouldn't help me, I felt like I had to "earn" the right to leave. Which is all in my head mind you. By the time I got in the car to leave, I was already tired, but anxious and hopeful.
After: Well, it was hard. And hot. Had to sit out 2 or 3 poses, but so did many people. Lots of people in little shorts and tops. Not me. I was wearing the hot yoga equivalent of a snow suit. And of course the skinny girl with huge fake boobs had to be in front of me! But, after about 10 minutes I never thought about it again. It was all about survival. I kept trying to read the clock backwards in the mirror (which I am pretty sure you aren't supposed to do) and getting screwed up. I was surprisingly nauseous at some points and a little claustrophobic. This is VERY common in the first class. You just have to get through it, but I was calling on Jesus to do so.... he he. I didn't do "good" but that isn't what it is about. Every bodies practice is different every day. After the last pose, I couldn't wait to breathe the cool air. It took about 2.5 seconds after leaving the class to realize I felt amazing and strangely clean. Everyone was sweaty but smiling. Even as I type this, (in my quiet kitchen alone, this never happens!) I am thankful. I am proud of myself and reflective. I really couldn't wait to get out of there, but I want the feeling to stay. So, hopefully tomorrow it will only get easier.
Tuesday Dec 7, 2010:
Before: I left work a bit earlier today so it wasn't as rushed. My goal was to eat by 5:45 which I did. I also drank more water today. It is hard to get everything done. I still feel like I need to "earn" this right. I was irritated with a co-worker who is a perpetual downer and Neil sort of irritated me slightly, but I was able to remain calm. I was tired and grumbly when I left the house, but when I got to the studio it was much much better.
After: Totally different experience. I did all the poses today and made it to about 50 min in before I wanted to run screaming from the room. It went much faster than I thought though I couldn't quiet my mind. Kept hearing random songs, made to do lists and thought about the weekend. I wonder how long it will be until I can just live in the present moment? The girls in almost no clothes are slightly distracting, though 60 min in it I swear I'd a done it naked if it would have cooled me off. All in all I was happy with today. Grateful I made it through, totally forgot about any irritant that I had before. I came out focused and calm. I am proud of today. Although, unexpected addition to this yoga.... laundry. My clothes are dripping so I HAVE to wash them everyday. Pretty gross. Didn't think about that. And in my house, laundry is moving clothes from washer to dryer to sofa to piles where they remain until they are a jumbled mess and we start all over again..... sigh. Got to get a handle on that beast..... maybe I will ask Neil for help with it, or time to do it myself. I'll think about it.
Wednesday December 8, 2010:
Before: In the grove. I know what I had to get done and kind of went on auto pilot. Porter was clingy and cranky. Making stir fry one handed is FUN. It also took me reenacting a plane, train and an automobile to get him to eat. Glad I was alone or I'd be embarrassed!
After: SO. freaking.hard. Tonight was the toughest instructor I have ever had. Lots of people left. I made an attempt at every move. Still can't do camel pose. I wasn't in my Zen place because I kept wanting to tell the guy in front of me with micro shorts on and a rather substantial muffin top, that perhaps spandex is not his friend. But I applaud the courage. I know, I know, mean and judgemental...... and honest! By the end I tried to put a positive spin on everything. I was grateful to God for showing me that it is not "I can't do this" it is " I AM doing this". Similar to thoughts during labor. But I never got that in labor myself, I never thought I'd survive that and I did. Same concept here. She did say something that struck me though. She said Bikram yoga is one of the only physical activities that if you show up with your best and stay present you are improving. That is all you have to do. Even if you lay on your back the whole class, you will at least be mentally stronger. What is hard one day is easy the next. I thought about that. That same mantra can be applied in all parts of life. Bikram has no "score" but there is a presence. Only you know if you push yourself, contract all muscles that you can, focus or if you let yourself go. It is sort of a good self check. I have to own my practice, so I am starting to see where my human nature cuts corners. I didn't even realize it till I realized I am never contracting my still leg thigh muscles in various poses. This is important to keep you whole body engages in the pose. I wonder what other areas in my life I unknowingly cut corners on and what bliss I may find if I just push it a little harder........
Thursday Dec 9, 2010
Before: Beh. The week is starting to catch up with me. Cooking, feeding and bathing Porter is hard to all get done. Guilt sets in, even though I don't leave till he is in bed. I kinda feel bad for Neil, but I think he likes watching TV and surfing the Internet without me nagging!
After: Sooooooo. VERY. Hard. Tonight was the first night I truly feel like I bit off more than I can chew..... again. How can I do this every day? It was hot today. And I know that sounds strange, but some classes are hotter than others and every day your body is different. Today was a new teacher I never met before. Never seen so many people leave a class. Also, didn't help that two of the hottest girls on the planet, wearing booty shorts, tube tops and not a lick of make-up were in front of me. But that is my challenge and my insecurity. Sometimes I think God puts them there as a test. But while I am proud of the breasts that nursed my child, I am not going to lie, the fact that mine can pretty much smother my own face in certain positions, while theirs remain perfect in a spandex tube tob erks me. And it shouldn't. This in my practice and journey, but hey just being honest. But I made it through. That was my reward. At least I made it through.
Friday December 10, 2010
Before: Tonight I took the 4:30 class. The 8:00 PM isn't offered on Fridays. Sigh. So, Neil had to pick up Porter and take him to my mom's for 2 hrs so he could attend a work dinner. I will pick him up at around 6:30, when we will eat, bathe, and do bed time. This juggling act is a lot, but I knew it would be.
After: Hot. Couldn't do many of the positions today even though I have increased my water intake. The teachers recommend that you drink your weight in oz. I don't think they understand how much water they are asking me to drink! Sure, if I was high school weight, no biggie. But post-baby weight...... um, lets just say that is ALOT. Felt claustrophobic. I like the teacher though. Younger, funny guy that takes time to explain the positions. His mom (who is overweight and older) was also in the class and rocking it so that was cool. He asked me if I was ok once. I wanted to tell him " NO, I'm hot as hell, my mascara is making me look like Alice Cooper, I have to pee and would love a fresh breath of air" but I just nodded yes instead. Made it through. Barely.
Saturday December 11, 2010
Before: I feel great! I got more sleep and took a nap during Porter's morning nap. Doing the 3 PM class. Went on a more empty stomach. Hoping the extra rest and empty stomach will help.
After: AMAZING! What a great class! I did every.single.position. and felt great about it.Pushed farther than before. I was really proud of myself. The teacher told me everyone has good days and bad. But I will always be improving as long as I just show up. It is amazing to me what happens in life if you are just brave enough to show up, give your best and surrender yourself. I am 10% to my goal now. My skin has cleared up a lot. Not sure if I lost any LB's. Haven't really weighed myself. I love the people too. All walks of life. People with tattoo's, nipple rings, a lady came in in a suit (she is a lawyer), older folks, students etc. It is a great, positive energy. I am so hoping this keeps going. I know every day won't be like this, but these are the practices Yogi's live for. It was my moving meditation and prayer time. Simply blissful, really hard, utterly rewarding.
Before: I felt busy. I didn't stop. I came home, made dinner, did dishes, cleaned bottles, fed Porter,bathed him and put him to bed. Not that Neil wouldn't help me, I felt like I had to "earn" the right to leave. Which is all in my head mind you. By the time I got in the car to leave, I was already tired, but anxious and hopeful.
After: Well, it was hard. And hot. Had to sit out 2 or 3 poses, but so did many people. Lots of people in little shorts and tops. Not me. I was wearing the hot yoga equivalent of a snow suit. And of course the skinny girl with huge fake boobs had to be in front of me! But, after about 10 minutes I never thought about it again. It was all about survival. I kept trying to read the clock backwards in the mirror (which I am pretty sure you aren't supposed to do) and getting screwed up. I was surprisingly nauseous at some points and a little claustrophobic. This is VERY common in the first class. You just have to get through it, but I was calling on Jesus to do so.... he he. I didn't do "good" but that isn't what it is about. Every bodies practice is different every day. After the last pose, I couldn't wait to breathe the cool air. It took about 2.5 seconds after leaving the class to realize I felt amazing and strangely clean. Everyone was sweaty but smiling. Even as I type this, (in my quiet kitchen alone, this never happens!) I am thankful. I am proud of myself and reflective. I really couldn't wait to get out of there, but I want the feeling to stay. So, hopefully tomorrow it will only get easier.
Tuesday Dec 7, 2010:
Before: I left work a bit earlier today so it wasn't as rushed. My goal was to eat by 5:45 which I did. I also drank more water today. It is hard to get everything done. I still feel like I need to "earn" this right. I was irritated with a co-worker who is a perpetual downer and Neil sort of irritated me slightly, but I was able to remain calm. I was tired and grumbly when I left the house, but when I got to the studio it was much much better.
After: Totally different experience. I did all the poses today and made it to about 50 min in before I wanted to run screaming from the room. It went much faster than I thought though I couldn't quiet my mind. Kept hearing random songs, made to do lists and thought about the weekend. I wonder how long it will be until I can just live in the present moment? The girls in almost no clothes are slightly distracting, though 60 min in it I swear I'd a done it naked if it would have cooled me off. All in all I was happy with today. Grateful I made it through, totally forgot about any irritant that I had before. I came out focused and calm. I am proud of today. Although, unexpected addition to this yoga.... laundry. My clothes are dripping so I HAVE to wash them everyday. Pretty gross. Didn't think about that. And in my house, laundry is moving clothes from washer to dryer to sofa to piles where they remain until they are a jumbled mess and we start all over again..... sigh. Got to get a handle on that beast..... maybe I will ask Neil for help with it, or time to do it myself. I'll think about it.
Wednesday December 8, 2010:
Before: In the grove. I know what I had to get done and kind of went on auto pilot. Porter was clingy and cranky. Making stir fry one handed is FUN. It also took me reenacting a plane, train and an automobile to get him to eat. Glad I was alone or I'd be embarrassed!
After: SO. freaking.hard. Tonight was the toughest instructor I have ever had. Lots of people left. I made an attempt at every move. Still can't do camel pose. I wasn't in my Zen place because I kept wanting to tell the guy in front of me with micro shorts on and a rather substantial muffin top, that perhaps spandex is not his friend. But I applaud the courage. I know, I know, mean and judgemental...... and honest! By the end I tried to put a positive spin on everything. I was grateful to God for showing me that it is not "I can't do this" it is " I AM doing this". Similar to thoughts during labor. But I never got that in labor myself, I never thought I'd survive that and I did. Same concept here. She did say something that struck me though. She said Bikram yoga is one of the only physical activities that if you show up with your best and stay present you are improving. That is all you have to do. Even if you lay on your back the whole class, you will at least be mentally stronger. What is hard one day is easy the next. I thought about that. That same mantra can be applied in all parts of life. Bikram has no "score" but there is a presence. Only you know if you push yourself, contract all muscles that you can, focus or if you let yourself go. It is sort of a good self check. I have to own my practice, so I am starting to see where my human nature cuts corners. I didn't even realize it till I realized I am never contracting my still leg thigh muscles in various poses. This is important to keep you whole body engages in the pose. I wonder what other areas in my life I unknowingly cut corners on and what bliss I may find if I just push it a little harder........
Thursday Dec 9, 2010
Before: Beh. The week is starting to catch up with me. Cooking, feeding and bathing Porter is hard to all get done. Guilt sets in, even though I don't leave till he is in bed. I kinda feel bad for Neil, but I think he likes watching TV and surfing the Internet without me nagging!
After: Sooooooo. VERY. Hard. Tonight was the first night I truly feel like I bit off more than I can chew..... again. How can I do this every day? It was hot today. And I know that sounds strange, but some classes are hotter than others and every day your body is different. Today was a new teacher I never met before. Never seen so many people leave a class. Also, didn't help that two of the hottest girls on the planet, wearing booty shorts, tube tops and not a lick of make-up were in front of me. But that is my challenge and my insecurity. Sometimes I think God puts them there as a test. But while I am proud of the breasts that nursed my child, I am not going to lie, the fact that mine can pretty much smother my own face in certain positions, while theirs remain perfect in a spandex tube tob erks me. And it shouldn't. This in my practice and journey, but hey just being honest. But I made it through. That was my reward. At least I made it through.
Friday December 10, 2010
Before: Tonight I took the 4:30 class. The 8:00 PM isn't offered on Fridays. Sigh. So, Neil had to pick up Porter and take him to my mom's for 2 hrs so he could attend a work dinner. I will pick him up at around 6:30, when we will eat, bathe, and do bed time. This juggling act is a lot, but I knew it would be.
After: Hot. Couldn't do many of the positions today even though I have increased my water intake. The teachers recommend that you drink your weight in oz. I don't think they understand how much water they are asking me to drink! Sure, if I was high school weight, no biggie. But post-baby weight...... um, lets just say that is ALOT. Felt claustrophobic. I like the teacher though. Younger, funny guy that takes time to explain the positions. His mom (who is overweight and older) was also in the class and rocking it so that was cool. He asked me if I was ok once. I wanted to tell him " NO, I'm hot as hell, my mascara is making me look like Alice Cooper, I have to pee and would love a fresh breath of air" but I just nodded yes instead. Made it through. Barely.
Saturday December 11, 2010
Before: I feel great! I got more sleep and took a nap during Porter's morning nap. Doing the 3 PM class. Went on a more empty stomach. Hoping the extra rest and empty stomach will help.
After: AMAZING! What a great class! I did every.single.position. and felt great about it.Pushed farther than before. I was really proud of myself. The teacher told me everyone has good days and bad. But I will always be improving as long as I just show up. It is amazing to me what happens in life if you are just brave enough to show up, give your best and surrender yourself. I am 10% to my goal now. My skin has cleared up a lot. Not sure if I lost any LB's. Haven't really weighed myself. I love the people too. All walks of life. People with tattoo's, nipple rings, a lady came in in a suit (she is a lawyer), older folks, students etc. It is a great, positive energy. I am so hoping this keeps going. I know every day won't be like this, but these are the practices Yogi's live for. It was my moving meditation and prayer time. Simply blissful, really hard, utterly rewarding.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Call Me Crazy.....
I may need to be committed. I realize the vast majority of people will read what I am about to write and think that I am 100%, certifiably, nuts-e-coo-coo, insane. And you may be right. But I am going to try it anyways.
I am going to take the plunge into a 60 day Bikram Yoga Challenge. Yes that is right. 60 classes in 60 days. (but it will prob be more like 58 unless they have a class on Christmas and New Years for the die-hards) Gulp. But I have read many documentaries and testimonials of people that have done this very challenge and it is nothing short of amazing. And I can think of a long string of reasons why I shouldn’t be able to do this or even think about taking it on. I do, after all, work full time, have a husband that travels for work occasionally, a 10 month old son, 2 dogs, 2 houses, the holidays and countless other commitments. I thought about all of this. I really did. And I came up with the fact that I don’t see my life slowing down anytime in the foreseeable future. I am always going to have a more than full plate, so there is never going to be a "good time". The trick is, making time for myself in the midst of the chaos. This is something we mommies are not generally good at. But I need a change. I need to be inspired and reenergized to give more. Somewhere along the way (and not just since Porter) I have gotten heavy, out of shape, unstylish and tired. After much contemplation, I have ended up back at this point.
What is Bikram Yoga, you ask? For those of you that don’t know, Bikram yoga is a class that is a series of 26 postures (asanas) and two breathing exercises (pranayamas), which is suitable for all ages and levels of ability. Each posture stretches and strengthens specific muscles, ligaments and joints needed for the next posture.
Bikram Yoga is the original hot yoga that’s been featured in the press and on television, famous for it’s miraculous healing ability. It is a very specific 90 minute series of 26 yoga postures and breathing exercises taught in 105 degree heat. Each pose is a challenge based on personal abilities; each pose addresses a certain area of the body, bestowing specific and powerful health benefits.
Bikram Yoga touts benefits ranging from weight loss, to spiritual re-birth, increased libido, stress reduction, to increased mental acuity and everything in-between. I used to practice, but it is expensive, then with my pregnancy, I switched to more conventional yoga, but stopped about 30 weeks pregnant. Now, after 10 months, I am ready to return.
So, I have talked to my husband and asked for his support. I have gotten a 2 month unlimited pass to Bikram Yoga Tempe for $39 (thank you Groupon), I put the $50 yoga towel I want but won’t splurge for on my Christmas list, and carefully mapped out my class schedule. There is about 50 classes a week, ones after Porter goes to bed, and during his naps on the weekend. Me and me alone will be the only reason if this doesn't work. I have no more excuses!
I have to dust of my yoga mat and get ready mentally. I intend to write a blip about my class and how I am feeling every day, and publish them on my blog once a week. I am going to be direct, honest and blunt so incase any 4 letter words or smart mouth comments make their way in, you were warned. But I want to document this challenge and journey so I can look back and see how far I have come. Plus, writing and publishing will help keep me motivated and accountable. My 60th day will be on my son’s first birthday. I want to be able to look back on this best most challenging time in my life and have a record marked by one of the most important dates of my life, Porter’s birthday.
Some of the Reasons Why I want to do it are:
• Health
• Creating a personal shift/change
• Start a new healthy habit/hobby
• Take better care of myself and re-prioritize
• Healthy pre-next-baby body, eventually (soon) I want to get pregnant again and having a in shape pre baby body helps. Yoga really helped my pregnancy so I would like to be in a routine before the next one comes.
Some of the challenges I expect are:
• Finding making the time every day
• Fatigue. Physically and emotionally
• My “lazy” self-sabotaging brain to take over and want to give up after a week
• Finding a baby sitter when Neil travels
• Having to let some other stuff go to make room for the undertaking (i.e. cleaning, laundry, cooking, TV shows, social commitments)
• Not snapping at Neil when I feel overwhelmed, because it was my choice to do this
• Honoring my commitment during close weeks here at work
• Feeling lonely in my quest, and finding comfort in that
Some of the rewards I am hoping for are:
• Increased physical strength
• Mental clarity
• Increased self confidence
• The satisfaction of follow through
• Satisfaction of trying something new and being “selfish” for a bit
• Loss of some LB’s (although strangely this isn’t my main motivator)
• Emotional cleansing/perspective tweak/mind body connection
• Heightened sense of spirituality and connectedness
• Desire to eat healthier
I have loved yoga for a good, long while now. I believe in it’s healing power and I believe in the mind/body connection. Yoga is like church for me. Bikram Choudhury (founder of Bikram yoga) says “Give me 60 days and I will change your life.” So, ok, I’ll give it a go. The only thing left to lose are the shreds of my sanity! The challenge is in the journey. My reward will be my health, both mental and physical (and maybe a pair of lulu lemon capris *hint*hint babe :). I give a lot to a lot of people and this is my way of making sure that I can maintain that long term. My family is the most important thing to me and the stronger I am, the more I can give. It is all about rebirth, people!
“ It’s never too late, you’re never too sick and you are never too old to start from scratch once again.” –Bikram Choudhury
*** First Class is tonight, so hopefully I will not want takes-backs after I post this! I made today my final decision day, so heres hoping I make it through. As of now, I can think of about 9,000 other things I would rather do........
I am going to take the plunge into a 60 day Bikram Yoga Challenge. Yes that is right. 60 classes in 60 days. (but it will prob be more like 58 unless they have a class on Christmas and New Years for the die-hards) Gulp. But I have read many documentaries and testimonials of people that have done this very challenge and it is nothing short of amazing. And I can think of a long string of reasons why I shouldn’t be able to do this or even think about taking it on. I do, after all, work full time, have a husband that travels for work occasionally, a 10 month old son, 2 dogs, 2 houses, the holidays and countless other commitments. I thought about all of this. I really did. And I came up with the fact that I don’t see my life slowing down anytime in the foreseeable future. I am always going to have a more than full plate, so there is never going to be a "good time". The trick is, making time for myself in the midst of the chaos. This is something we mommies are not generally good at. But I need a change. I need to be inspired and reenergized to give more. Somewhere along the way (and not just since Porter) I have gotten heavy, out of shape, unstylish and tired. After much contemplation, I have ended up back at this point.
What is Bikram Yoga, you ask? For those of you that don’t know, Bikram yoga is a class that is a series of 26 postures (asanas) and two breathing exercises (pranayamas), which is suitable for all ages and levels of ability. Each posture stretches and strengthens specific muscles, ligaments and joints needed for the next posture.
Bikram Yoga is the original hot yoga that’s been featured in the press and on television, famous for it’s miraculous healing ability. It is a very specific 90 minute series of 26 yoga postures and breathing exercises taught in 105 degree heat. Each pose is a challenge based on personal abilities; each pose addresses a certain area of the body, bestowing specific and powerful health benefits.
Bikram Yoga touts benefits ranging from weight loss, to spiritual re-birth, increased libido, stress reduction, to increased mental acuity and everything in-between. I used to practice, but it is expensive, then with my pregnancy, I switched to more conventional yoga, but stopped about 30 weeks pregnant. Now, after 10 months, I am ready to return.
So, I have talked to my husband and asked for his support. I have gotten a 2 month unlimited pass to Bikram Yoga Tempe for $39 (thank you Groupon), I put the $50 yoga towel I want but won’t splurge for on my Christmas list, and carefully mapped out my class schedule. There is about 50 classes a week, ones after Porter goes to bed, and during his naps on the weekend. Me and me alone will be the only reason if this doesn't work. I have no more excuses!
I have to dust of my yoga mat and get ready mentally. I intend to write a blip about my class and how I am feeling every day, and publish them on my blog once a week. I am going to be direct, honest and blunt so incase any 4 letter words or smart mouth comments make their way in, you were warned. But I want to document this challenge and journey so I can look back and see how far I have come. Plus, writing and publishing will help keep me motivated and accountable. My 60th day will be on my son’s first birthday. I want to be able to look back on this best most challenging time in my life and have a record marked by one of the most important dates of my life, Porter’s birthday.
Some of the Reasons Why I want to do it are:
• Health
• Creating a personal shift/change
• Start a new healthy habit/hobby
• Take better care of myself and re-prioritize
• Healthy pre-next-baby body, eventually (soon) I want to get pregnant again and having a in shape pre baby body helps. Yoga really helped my pregnancy so I would like to be in a routine before the next one comes.
Some of the challenges I expect are:
• Finding making the time every day
• Fatigue. Physically and emotionally
• My “lazy” self-sabotaging brain to take over and want to give up after a week
• Finding a baby sitter when Neil travels
• Having to let some other stuff go to make room for the undertaking (i.e. cleaning, laundry, cooking, TV shows, social commitments)
• Not snapping at Neil when I feel overwhelmed, because it was my choice to do this
• Honoring my commitment during close weeks here at work
• Feeling lonely in my quest, and finding comfort in that
Some of the rewards I am hoping for are:
• Increased physical strength
• Mental clarity
• Increased self confidence
• The satisfaction of follow through
• Satisfaction of trying something new and being “selfish” for a bit
• Loss of some LB’s (although strangely this isn’t my main motivator)
• Emotional cleansing/perspective tweak/mind body connection
• Heightened sense of spirituality and connectedness
• Desire to eat healthier
I have loved yoga for a good, long while now. I believe in it’s healing power and I believe in the mind/body connection. Yoga is like church for me. Bikram Choudhury (founder of Bikram yoga) says “Give me 60 days and I will change your life.” So, ok, I’ll give it a go. The only thing left to lose are the shreds of my sanity! The challenge is in the journey. My reward will be my health, both mental and physical (and maybe a pair of lulu lemon capris *hint*hint babe :). I give a lot to a lot of people and this is my way of making sure that I can maintain that long term. My family is the most important thing to me and the stronger I am, the more I can give. It is all about rebirth, people!
“ It’s never too late, you’re never too sick and you are never too old to start from scratch once again.” –Bikram Choudhury
*** First Class is tonight, so hopefully I will not want takes-backs after I post this! I made today my final decision day, so heres hoping I make it through. As of now, I can think of about 9,000 other things I would rather do........
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Double Digits! Porter's 10 Month Update!
Porter's Monthly Update: 10 Months
Date: December 6, 2010
 |
| First Carolina Game |
Weight: Guessing about 24 lb, BIG boy
Movement: Well he made it just under the wire! We are excited to announce that Porter took his first mini unassisted steps! He is getting WAY more comfortable now. He cruises and walks along all the furniture, stands by himself and claps sometimes. Today, Neil had a toy he wanted so he took two teensy steps forward to get it. He totally can, now it is just a matter of confidence. He is much more steady and controlled, but you can see the hesitation in his face. Porter pretty much gets where he wants to go though. He climbs, cruises, crawls over just about everything. He isn't afraid of a tumble. More of a takes a lickin keeps on tickin guy!
Sleep: MUCH better than last month. We got more uninterrupted nights sleep than ever before. He usually is down about 7:00-7:30 sleeps till 3, wakes for a bottle and is out till about 6:30. Still getting up, but compared to last month, is a great improvement. Plus we went to see Grandma Helen so she graciously helped us with a lot of nights too. Nap times are getting easy and consistent. He has been taking 2, 1.5 or so hour naps a day. All in all, as much as I would love to have him consistently sleep all the way through MY nights sleep, it is not realistic. Porter is a good sleeper for the most part.
Porter Loves: the Ergo (how did I live without that thing?!), airplane rides (especially the window seat), opening and closing drawers/doors, playing peek-a-boo, eating what we eat, waving, his new squeaky Gamecock big boy shoes, the Gamecocks, laptops, Grandparents, his toy lawn mower, toy cell phone
Food: This area was probably the biggest change. He is kind of over purees. he loves to try new things and is a super eater. He eats anything and everything. Still has his bottles of course, but he loves Shepard's Pie, turkey, rice pudding, soups, bean dip, black beans, chicken and on and on and on. He likes to eat what we eat, how we eat it. So, he likes when I feed him off a fork. So silly, but cute. I am so grateful to have a good eater! His most favorite food though is PIZZA! He loves it and can eat almost a whole piece himself!
Mood: Still happy. Really he doesn't know a stranger. He is so jovial. But we have discovered the fine art of the temper tantrum this month. Complete with kicking, screeching, fists, red faces and tears. It is actually quite funny. He mostly does it when he is super tired or when you take something away from him. Oh MAN he does not like to have stuff taken away from him! But, I redirect to things he can have and he almost always switches back to a happy boy. The vast majority of the time he is a laid back, cool cat baby. he is developing more personality and opinions these days, but still my smiley little guy overall.
Happy Highlight of the Month:
Neil Says: Taking Porter to his first Carolina Gamecocks game. Along with surprising Neil's mom, we got to take Porter to his first game. Neil grew up going to games, so it is really important to him. It was a perfect day. The weather was great, Porter wore his Carolina jersey and his new shoes. We got to tailgate and eat, Porter was in a great mood, looked all around, chewed on the chairs, took a nap and didn't fuss with all the loud noise. Gamecocks had a huge win and it was an awesome introduction to the Gamecocks!
Linsay Says: Surprising Neil's mom! I have been dying keeping this secret! It took two months of planning and a lot of juggling but it was a total surprise and so worth it. We showed up at her work, fresh off the plane, the Friday before her birthday. She got to show off Porter and was caught totally off guard. Not only were we able to celebrate her birthday, we got to go to a game, stay for Thanksgiving, go Black Friday shopping and lots of other special little things. It was great to spend that amount of time in South Carolina with Porter. It was great family time.
What We Miss:
Neil Says: Porter being more dependent. Now a days he is so independent. Not just in movement, but he plays by himself, wants to get down, isn't afraid when you leave, goes where he wants. It is bittersweet. he is developing into a little boy, but there is less and less of the ity bity baby left. We see new or little babies out and about and it just seems like SO long ago.
Linsay Says: This is hard for me this month! I don't miss much, I am really enjoying this stage. I used to really miss him being so little and such, but now I think about that with having another baby (in the future... not pregnant yet!). I save my little baby fantasies for his future siblings! I am finding a lot of relief this month. He is sleeping better, eating better, plays well alone, etc. He is my love bug. Lots of mommy snuggles this month too.
What We are Looking Forward To:
Neil Says: Porter walking better, it is almost assuredly happening this month with the progress is just a few days. His saying Mama, still no mama. Occasional Ma randomly. And probably the biggest, watching his eat the wrapping paper and enjoy the boxes of all his new toys as much as he is gonna love his Christmas presents themselves! That boy LOVES boxes and crinkly paper!
 |
| Happy Holidays |
Linsay Says: The Christmas season! I love, love, love Christmas. My mother in law and brother in law are coming here, so we will have a shin dig for sure! I cannot wait to take him to see Santa, look at Christmas lights, maybe doing Zoo lights, opening gifts, eating the yummy food spreads and getting into the holiday spirit. I love this time of year and it is all about children and I am so blessed to have one of my own to share it with! I love my family.
Porter's 10 Month Pic's
Spiritual Christmas "Food" for Thought
Since the baptism of my son, and truth be told a few months before that, I started thinking much more deeply about God, religion, spirituality and what that meant for me and for my family. Originally, I did not want to baptize Porter. I didn't want to push anything onto his spirituality. I believed that it is an intensely personal choice, and as long as he could speak to his choice intelligently, I would support it. But, as time when on, it was really important to Neil and our family to baptize him, so in the end, I decided that having a religious foundation not only wouldn't hurt. I decided that it could actually have a positive impact on our family and my own spiritual growth. We chose to baptize him Catholic. Both Neil and I were baptized Catholic (though Neil grew up active in the Lutheran Church), and to be honest, I wanted him to be a Catholic, just because coming from the idea of not baptizing him, I at least felt like Catholicism was something I knew.... somewhat. We went through an awesome baptism prepclass and Neil and I had several great discussions about faith, religion and spirituality and how it played into our family. Unfortunately, both of us left regular Church and religion so many years ago, that for some reason or another, we have not really been back since Porter's baptism in early August.
But, I have been doing a lot of thinking and contemplating about my own spirituality. It has surprisingly become a VERY big deal to me. I have talked with some very sweet friends (you know who you are!) that have entertained all of my questions, thoughts and issues. I am really lucky to have them in my life right now and I am very grateful. I am not quite sure how this path will unfold yet, there are still things I am not ready to put out there for everyone, but I am happy to have them tucked into the private and friendly relationships in my life.... for now at least!
Part of this new mindset/obsession, is spiritual reading. I have gotten some fantastic book recommendations and then while organizing Porter's baptism, I found out that Father Joe, my FAVORITE Irish priest, who has now retired, writes a blog called Aisling on Earth. I love to read it and his recent post really resonated with me both personally and spiritually and aligned with my own previous blog post nicely. It is great spiritual food for the soul for the week. Something I need to think, pray and mediate about and I wanted to share part of it. Something I think everyone should think about, especially this time of year. Here is the part that really made me think.
From Fr. Joe Hennesey's blog; A virus to desire.... or avoid?
As I enjoyed my cereal this morning, I read the following in the daily paper; “The well of Providence is deep. It's the buckets we bring to it that are small.” So wrote a Scottish religious leader, at the turn of the last century. I would like to suggest, it is not about just the size of the bucket, it also depends on the condition of the bucket. If I want the bucket of my soul to be filled up, I must make sure there is no garbage taking up the space, we are inviting our Gracious God to fill up. Our spiritual garbage has been described in the following manner;
Being spiritual beings on a human journey, we are very much aware of the garbage we encounter in the daily living of our lives. We must not allow that garbage to detract from the wonder, and the mystery of who we are and the dignity that is ours, as the result of our God's plan for us. We must continue to allow God to fine tune the lens of our faith so we become more and more enlightened. We must actively invite our God to awaken in us the real depth His love for us, and to the life He has called us to live. Advent is a time we are given to re-orientate ourselves so we will become more available. Advent is an opportunity to stop, yes!! STOP, and reevaluate what is the real in depth meaning of this precious time, and season. One person has written, "Christmas renews our youth by stirring our wonder. The capacity for wonder has been called our most pregnant human faculty, for in it are born our art, science, and religion."
I just loved this concept. I am starting to see the light and necessity of personal accountability. I was recently told, that the second we point one finger at someone else, we have three more pointing right back at ourselves. Eeeek, very true and very hard to swallow! Blame is a slippery slope. So, I think this is the lesson that is supposed to be mine right now. It keeps coming up, in work challenges, personal challenges, marital challenge, financial challenges...... and there is no place to hide. BUT there is infinite freedom in change and personal accountability.I have seen that if you want a change in something or someone you must first take on that change yourself, you must pray and you must be grateful. in the words of Ghandi, "Be the change you wish to se in the world". Take responsibility and move on. Be done with spiritual garbage, so that we may be free to accept the blessings available to us. Once we acknowledge it, we are free to change it. When we know better, we do better. So, I try. It is all I can do. And so far, the small, daily changes I have made in myself have inspired a whole lot more peace and change in other areas of my life. And I am just getting started! It is an exciting journey.
But, I have been doing a lot of thinking and contemplating about my own spirituality. It has surprisingly become a VERY big deal to me. I have talked with some very sweet friends (you know who you are!) that have entertained all of my questions, thoughts and issues. I am really lucky to have them in my life right now and I am very grateful. I am not quite sure how this path will unfold yet, there are still things I am not ready to put out there for everyone, but I am happy to have them tucked into the private and friendly relationships in my life.... for now at least!
Part of this new mindset/obsession, is spiritual reading. I have gotten some fantastic book recommendations and then while organizing Porter's baptism, I found out that Father Joe, my FAVORITE Irish priest, who has now retired, writes a blog called Aisling on Earth. I love to read it and his recent post really resonated with me both personally and spiritually and aligned with my own previous blog post nicely. It is great spiritual food for the soul for the week. Something I need to think, pray and mediate about and I wanted to share part of it. Something I think everyone should think about, especially this time of year. Here is the part that really made me think.
From Fr. Joe Hennesey's blog; A virus to desire.... or avoid?
As I enjoyed my cereal this morning, I read the following in the daily paper; “The well of Providence is deep. It's the buckets we bring to it that are small.” So wrote a Scottish religious leader, at the turn of the last century. I would like to suggest, it is not about just the size of the bucket, it also depends on the condition of the bucket. If I want the bucket of my soul to be filled up, I must make sure there is no garbage taking up the space, we are inviting our Gracious God to fill up. Our spiritual garbage has been described in the following manner;
G...Guilt,
A...anger,
R..resentment,
B..boredom,
A..anxiety,
G..greed, and
E...envy.
Being spiritual beings on a human journey, we are very much aware of the garbage we encounter in the daily living of our lives. We must not allow that garbage to detract from the wonder, and the mystery of who we are and the dignity that is ours, as the result of our God's plan for us. We must continue to allow God to fine tune the lens of our faith so we become more and more enlightened. We must actively invite our God to awaken in us the real depth His love for us, and to the life He has called us to live. Advent is a time we are given to re-orientate ourselves so we will become more available. Advent is an opportunity to stop, yes!! STOP, and reevaluate what is the real in depth meaning of this precious time, and season. One person has written, "Christmas renews our youth by stirring our wonder. The capacity for wonder has been called our most pregnant human faculty, for in it are born our art, science, and religion."
I just loved this concept. I am starting to see the light and necessity of personal accountability. I was recently told, that the second we point one finger at someone else, we have three more pointing right back at ourselves. Eeeek, very true and very hard to swallow! Blame is a slippery slope. So, I think this is the lesson that is supposed to be mine right now. It keeps coming up, in work challenges, personal challenges, marital challenge, financial challenges...... and there is no place to hide. BUT there is infinite freedom in change and personal accountability.I have seen that if you want a change in something or someone you must first take on that change yourself, you must pray and you must be grateful. in the words of Ghandi, "Be the change you wish to se in the world". Take responsibility and move on. Be done with spiritual garbage, so that we may be free to accept the blessings available to us. Once we acknowledge it, we are free to change it. When we know better, we do better. So, I try. It is all I can do. And so far, the small, daily changes I have made in myself have inspired a whole lot more peace and change in other areas of my life. And I am just getting started! It is an exciting journey.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Hurt People, Hurt People
Hurt people, hurt people. This has been one of my favorite phrases for the last few years. I think it is 100% true, 100% of the time. It is a societal pariah. I have been guilty of it and I have seen it in practically everyone that I know. Hurt and fear are poison I have decided. It is crippling and infectious. And I am done with both, or I am trying to be done with both.
You see, I have been unknowingly poisoning myself for the better part of my adult life. Not 100% of the time, mind you, but often enough to have drastic ramifications. I have been forever plagued with self worth issues, I struggled to come to terms with the relationships I have with my parents, the poor choices I have made in past relationships and it snowballed and seeped into many smaller things in my life. Up until about 1-2 years ago, I trapped myself in this paralyzing place that I had to be perfect to do anything and therefore I either did nothing or took the easy way out. I drank too much. I gained weight. But I was fine…. I was. Fine. Fine?! Who wants to be fine? Not me. That is like someone describing you as nice. I mean, nice is great or …. fine, but seriously…. I think I can do better than nice or fine. Fine just isn’t good enough and it never should have been. Now, don’t get me wrong, parts of my life, (meeting my hubby, dating, family moments, graduating, having Porter) were/are fantastic, but I kept myself bogged down.
I convinced myself I had “issues” I was dealing with/getting over, but I never stopped to ask myself when does the getting over get done? Done as in finished, over, fini, no mas? When does that freedom happen? Well, I have asked myself such questions as of late and the answer is….only I have the power to say when enough is enough. The fact of the matter is, my childhood wasn’t perfect (nobodies is) but it is over. Mommy/Daddy issues have no place in my healthy adult life. I can construct relationships with my friends and family within whatever boundaries I want in my ADULT life. I am not frozen in time 15 year old, no need to re-hash crap from 10 (ok 12) years ago. Past relationships ….. again ….. done-ski. Doesn’t matter. I married a great man, no need to beat myself up that I used to take a lot of crap from men that I had no business being with, who were in no way, shape or form good enough for me. I found one, a keeper, celebrate that and don’t look back. Being perfect… well, I will never be. And I don’t wanna be and I don’t have to be. I am quirky, unique and flawed. But, my husband loves me, my son loves me and I have some pretty great friends and family. If your friends are a reflection of yourself, I am A-ok there too. Poor choices? Lets face it, everyone has a story. And I love to hear other people’s stories, which is why I write this, I am (or try to be) an open book. Sharing is a way of connecting, a way of knowing we are not alone. And guess what… I’m not.
So I don’t need all that emotional baggage that used to define me anymore. I can let go of previous misconceptions. I CAN change my mind. I don’t need the hurt. I don’t need to be defined by my own lowest common denominator, we are not a summation of the worst decisions we have made in our lives. What other people think…. Irrelevant. Those opinions come from those people’s experiences. I get to choose whose opinions and advice best suit my family. I am free to grow into the person I am meant to be, not what expectations I put on myself or others gave me. I have ultimate faith my path will be revealed to me. Hasn’t let me down thus far. You change your thoughts, you change your life. It took some time to realize but all that stuff that I have been waiting to get over, well, it just doesn’t apply anymore. It doesn’t fit. It is over and done and I like this Linsay better. No sense forcing a square peg through a round hole.
It is my new goals are to just be. Seek new things, know God, find truth, love big and live bigger. I want to give back, be grateful, be humble and grow a healthy family. It is my business to create…… every day. To have gratitude…. every day. To understand I cannot and don’t have to do it alone. God is merciful. There is infinite beauty in my flaws. These may seem like simple concepts, but so many adults get frozen and paralyzed with the “fine” and I am going to try and challenge myself farther, push myself to live my best life.
The moral of the story is, I have a great life, even though it is beyond stressful and chaotic sometimes. I am lucky. My stressful/chaotic days, all I need is to ask for help and I have fantastic people that offer support, guidance and kind words. Even my bad days are absolutely bearable. It is all a matter of perspective. The journey is the fun part. From now on, I am (or trying to) take it one day at a time. Stay tuned….. great thingsare on the way here to stay.
Micah 6:8
“He has showed you, O Man what is good.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”
You see, I have been unknowingly poisoning myself for the better part of my adult life. Not 100% of the time, mind you, but often enough to have drastic ramifications. I have been forever plagued with self worth issues, I struggled to come to terms with the relationships I have with my parents, the poor choices I have made in past relationships and it snowballed and seeped into many smaller things in my life. Up until about 1-2 years ago, I trapped myself in this paralyzing place that I had to be perfect to do anything and therefore I either did nothing or took the easy way out. I drank too much. I gained weight. But I was fine…. I was. Fine. Fine?! Who wants to be fine? Not me. That is like someone describing you as nice. I mean, nice is great or …. fine, but seriously…. I think I can do better than nice or fine. Fine just isn’t good enough and it never should have been. Now, don’t get me wrong, parts of my life, (meeting my hubby, dating, family moments, graduating, having Porter) were/are fantastic, but I kept myself bogged down.
I convinced myself I had “issues” I was dealing with/getting over, but I never stopped to ask myself when does the getting over get done? Done as in finished, over, fini, no mas? When does that freedom happen? Well, I have asked myself such questions as of late and the answer is….only I have the power to say when enough is enough. The fact of the matter is, my childhood wasn’t perfect (nobodies is) but it is over. Mommy/Daddy issues have no place in my healthy adult life. I can construct relationships with my friends and family within whatever boundaries I want in my ADULT life. I am not frozen in time 15 year old, no need to re-hash crap from 10 (ok 12) years ago. Past relationships ….. again ….. done-ski. Doesn’t matter. I married a great man, no need to beat myself up that I used to take a lot of crap from men that I had no business being with, who were in no way, shape or form good enough for me. I found one, a keeper, celebrate that and don’t look back. Being perfect… well, I will never be. And I don’t wanna be and I don’t have to be. I am quirky, unique and flawed. But, my husband loves me, my son loves me and I have some pretty great friends and family. If your friends are a reflection of yourself, I am A-ok there too. Poor choices? Lets face it, everyone has a story. And I love to hear other people’s stories, which is why I write this, I am (or try to be) an open book. Sharing is a way of connecting, a way of knowing we are not alone. And guess what… I’m not.
So I don’t need all that emotional baggage that used to define me anymore. I can let go of previous misconceptions. I CAN change my mind. I don’t need the hurt. I don’t need to be defined by my own lowest common denominator, we are not a summation of the worst decisions we have made in our lives. What other people think…. Irrelevant. Those opinions come from those people’s experiences. I get to choose whose opinions and advice best suit my family. I am free to grow into the person I am meant to be, not what expectations I put on myself or others gave me. I have ultimate faith my path will be revealed to me. Hasn’t let me down thus far. You change your thoughts, you change your life. It took some time to realize but all that stuff that I have been waiting to get over, well, it just doesn’t apply anymore. It doesn’t fit. It is over and done and I like this Linsay better. No sense forcing a square peg through a round hole.
It is my new goals are to just be. Seek new things, know God, find truth, love big and live bigger. I want to give back, be grateful, be humble and grow a healthy family. It is my business to create…… every day. To have gratitude…. every day. To understand I cannot and don’t have to do it alone. God is merciful. There is infinite beauty in my flaws. These may seem like simple concepts, but so many adults get frozen and paralyzed with the “fine” and I am going to try and challenge myself farther, push myself to live my best life.
The moral of the story is, I have a great life, even though it is beyond stressful and chaotic sometimes. I am lucky. My stressful/chaotic days, all I need is to ask for help and I have fantastic people that offer support, guidance and kind words. Even my bad days are absolutely bearable. It is all a matter of perspective. The journey is the fun part. From now on, I am (or trying to) take it one day at a time. Stay tuned….. great things
Micah 6:8
“He has showed you, O Man what is good.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”
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