60 Day Challenge: Week One

Monday Dec 6th:

 Before: I felt busy.  I didn't stop.  I came home, made dinner, did dishes, cleaned bottles, fed Porter,bathed him and put him to bed.  Not that Neil wouldn't help me, I felt like I had to "earn" the right to leave.  Which is all in my head mind you. By the time I got in the car to leave, I was already tired, but anxious and hopeful.

After: Well, it was hard.  And hot.  Had to sit out 2 or 3 poses, but so did many people. Lots of people in little shorts and tops.  Not me.  I was wearing the hot yoga equivalent of a snow suit. And of course the skinny girl with huge fake boobs had to be in front of me! But, after about 10 minutes I never thought about it again.  It was all about survival.  I kept trying to read the clock backwards in the mirror (which I am pretty sure you aren't supposed to do) and getting screwed up.  I was surprisingly nauseous at some points and a little claustrophobic.  This is VERY  common in the first class.  You just have to get through it, but I was calling on Jesus to do so.... he he.  I didn't do "good" but that isn't what it is about.  Every bodies practice is different every day.  After the last pose, I couldn't wait to breathe the cool air.  It took about 2.5 seconds after leaving the class to realize I felt amazing and strangely clean.  Everyone was sweaty but smiling.  Even as I type this, (in my quiet kitchen alone, this never happens!) I am thankful.  I am proud of myself and reflective.  I really couldn't wait to get out of there, but I want the feeling to stay.  So, hopefully tomorrow it will only get easier.

Tuesday Dec 7, 2010:

Before: I left work a bit earlier today so it wasn't as rushed.  My goal was to eat by 5:45 which I did.  I also drank more water today.  It is hard to get everything done.  I still feel like I need to "earn" this right.  I was irritated with a co-worker who is a perpetual downer and Neil sort of irritated me slightly, but I was able to remain calm.  I was tired and grumbly when I left the house, but when I got to the studio it was much much better.

After: Totally different experience.  I did all the poses today and made it to about 50 min in before I wanted to run screaming from the room.  It went much faster than I thought though I couldn't quiet my mind.  Kept hearing random songs, made to do lists and thought about the weekend.  I wonder how long it will be until I can just live in the present moment? The girls in almost no clothes are slightly distracting, though 60 min in it I swear I'd a done it naked if it would have cooled me off.  All in all I was happy with today.  Grateful I made it through, totally forgot about any irritant that I had before.  I came out focused and calm.  I am proud of today.  Although, unexpected addition to this yoga.... laundry.  My clothes are dripping so I HAVE to wash them everyday.  Pretty gross.  Didn't think about that. And in my house, laundry is moving clothes from washer to dryer to sofa to piles where they remain until they are a jumbled mess and we start all over again..... sigh.  Got to get a handle on that beast..... maybe I will ask Neil for help with it, or time to do it myself.  I'll think about it.

Wednesday December 8, 2010:

Before:  In the grove.  I know what I had to get done and kind of went on auto pilot.  Porter was clingy and cranky.  Making stir fry one handed is FUN.  It also took me reenacting a plane, train and an automobile to get him to eat.  Glad I was alone or I'd be embarrassed!

After: SO. freaking.hard. Tonight was the toughest instructor I have ever had.  Lots of people left.  I made an attempt at every move.  Still can't do camel pose.  I wasn't in my Zen place because I kept wanting to tell the guy in front of me with micro shorts on and a rather substantial muffin top, that perhaps spandex is not his friend.  But I applaud the courage.  I know, I know, mean and judgemental...... and honest!  By the end I tried to put a positive spin on everything.  I was grateful to God for showing me that it is not "I can't do this" it is " I AM doing this".  Similar to thoughts during labor.  But I never got that in labor myself, I never thought I'd survive that and I did.  Same concept here.  She did say something that struck me though.  She said Bikram yoga is one of the only physical activities that if you show up with your best and stay present you are improving.  That is all you have to do. Even if you lay on your back the whole class, you will at least be mentally stronger. What is hard one day is easy the next.  I thought about that.  That same mantra can be applied in all parts of life.  Bikram has no "score" but there is a presence.  Only you know if you push yourself, contract all muscles that you can, focus or if you let yourself go.  It is sort of a good self check.  I have to own my practice, so I am starting to see where my human nature cuts corners. I didn't even realize it till I realized I am never contracting my still leg thigh muscles in various poses.  This is important to keep you whole body engages in the pose.  I wonder what other areas in my life I unknowingly cut corners on and what bliss I may find if I just push it a little harder........

Thursday Dec 9, 2010

Before: Beh. The week is starting to catch up with me. Cooking, feeding and bathing Porter is hard to all get done.  Guilt sets in, even though I don't leave till he is in bed.  I kinda feel bad for Neil, but I think he likes watching TV and surfing the Internet without me nagging!

After: Sooooooo. VERY. Hard. Tonight was the first night I truly feel like I bit off more than I can chew..... again.  How can I do this every day? It was hot today.  And I know that sounds strange, but some classes are hotter than others and every day your body is different.  Today was a new teacher I never met before.  Never seen so many people leave a class.  Also, didn't help that two of the hottest girls on the planet, wearing booty shorts, tube tops and not a lick of make-up were in front of me. But that is my challenge and my insecurity.  Sometimes I think God puts them there as a test. But while I am proud of the breasts that nursed my child, I am not going to lie, the fact that mine can pretty much smother my own face in certain positions, while theirs remain perfect in a spandex tube tob erks me.  And it shouldn't.  This in my practice and journey, but hey just being honest.  But I made it through.  That was my reward.  At least I made it through.

Friday December 10, 2010

Before: Tonight I took the 4:30 class.  The 8:00 PM isn't offered on Fridays.  Sigh.  So, Neil had to pick up Porter and take him to my mom's for 2 hrs so he could attend a work dinner.  I will pick him up at around 6:30, when we will eat, bathe, and do bed time.  This juggling act is a lot, but I knew it would be.

After: Hot. Couldn't do many of the positions today even though I have increased my water intake.  The teachers recommend that you drink your weight in oz.  I don't think they understand how much water they are asking me to drink! Sure, if I was high school weight, no biggie. But post-baby weight...... um, lets just say that is ALOT. Felt claustrophobic. I like the teacher though.  Younger, funny guy that takes time to explain the positions.  His mom (who is overweight and older) was also in the class and rocking it so that was cool.  He asked me if I was ok once.  I wanted to tell him " NO, I'm hot as hell, my mascara is making me look like Alice Cooper, I have to pee and would love a fresh breath of air" but I just nodded yes instead.  Made it through.  Barely.

Saturday December 11, 2010

Before: I feel great! I got more sleep and took a nap during Porter's morning nap.  Doing the 3 PM class.  Went on a more empty stomach.  Hoping the extra rest and empty stomach will help.

After:  AMAZING! What a great class!  I did every.single.position. and felt great about it.Pushed farther than before.  I was really proud of myself.  The teacher told me everyone has good days and bad.  But I will always be improving as long as I just show up.  It is amazing to me what happens in life if you are just brave enough to show up, give your best and surrender yourself.  I am 10% to my goal now.  My skin has cleared up a lot.  Not sure if I lost any LB's.  Haven't really weighed myself.  I love the people too.  All walks of life.  People with tattoo's, nipple rings, a lady came in in a suit (she is a lawyer), older folks, students etc.  It is a great, positive energy.  I am so hoping this keeps going.  I know every day won't be like this, but these are the practices Yogi's live for.  It was my moving meditation and prayer time.  Simply blissful, really hard, utterly rewarding.