I get asked this question quite frequently. We got asked more when Porter was smaller, but people are always interested in hearing our birth story/experience since it was less than well.... mainstream! I tend to shy away from pushing my beliefs on people, especially about this stuff. But, Neil and I were discussing our plans to attend an annual picnic hosted by our midwife and a couple asked me about our experience today, so.... here we go!
Yes, I had Porter, all natural, at home, with a Licensed Midwife. Otherwise known as a planned home birth. People often say, "I could never do that," or "You are SO brave". Me (and Neil) are used to that one. To be honest, I NEVER thought that I could do it either. I had very typical pre-natal care. Went to a conventional OB/GYN, had TONS of tests run, was on track for the typical all American hospital birth. Heck, I even wanted an epidural and every pain management thing offered. I was a first time mom and scared of the feelings... scared of the unknown. So, like the over zealous, prepare for anything and everything, type A, ppl/parents we are, I signed us up for childbirth classes. Neil, bless his heart, was just as excited, if not more than I was. I wanted a more intimate, less clinical class then those offered by our hospital, so I opted for us to enroll in classes at
Nurturing Hearts Birth Services, with Rose Day as the instructor. Little did I know that with that one choice our lives would change forever.
After several classes, I decided OK, maybe I could do natural childbirth, maybe. So at about 32 weeks pregnant I began discussing this with my OB/GYN. She responded with a slew of questions and comments from, "define no medical intervention" to "you know, there is no medal for doing it natural". Now, mind you, these are the last things you need to say to an already scared-ish first time mom. Soooo Rose gently suggested we just TALK to a Midwife. Just an interview. It is free and educational, can't hurt. So, I made us an appointment and also found us a copy of the DVD The Business of Being Born, (which I highly highly recommend for anyone, especially those having babies now. Great info.) After both those things, it was done. Armed with the information from our classes, two great interviews, the DVD and each other, Neil and I made the choice to switch, at 34 weeks to have our son at home.
First off, let me say our midwife is UH.MAZING. That is the only word big enough to describe her. In debating between conventional and home births, people often wonder about quality of care. It is frustrating to me, who knows better, but I understand not everyone has delved into the depths of maternity care like I have. I assure you, Stephanie is fully qualified. Midwives, despite popular beliefs don't come to a birth armed with incense and tambourines. She had oxygen, needles, pitocin and every other thing that you can imagine. She is prepared, to say the least. In fact, for healthy, low risk women, birthing at home is no less dangerous at home than in a hospital. Actually, many elements of hospitals hinder a woman's labor process. It has been calculated that the second most women step in the door of a hospital, her labor inevitably slows. Up until the 50's most babies were still born at home. Anyway, that is neither here nor there. If you want any more of these fun facts, ask me I have plenty.
From the start, Stephanie cared more about me as an individual instead of a statistic. We met in her beautiful, small, cozy office. Neil and I sat on a couch, not a paper covered table (why do I have to sit on a sterile, paper wrapped table to be weighed & have my tummy measured on the outside?) . She talked with us about what kinds of parents we would be, what our fears were, how she could help us have the birth
WE wanted. It was, after all, our child. Our appointments were an hour, not ten minutes. She used organic lotion on your belly that smooths in, instead of that cold goo at the doctors office. She taught Neil how to feel the position of the baby on the outside of my tummy. She listened to his heartbeat the old school way.
I'll never forget the appointment, near the end of my pregnancy, where she noticed a slight, and I mean slight difference in my blood pressure. She said that I had had perfect blood pressure this whole time and there was a small increase in the number associated with stress. "So, tell me. What are you stressed about?" she asked. "Nothing," I chirp back to her. Looking down, embarrassed, brave soldier. " I don't believe you," she pressed. This went on for three rounds before the tears came flowing. Nothing was wrong, not really. My baby was healthy, I had a fabulous husband, gorgeous home, plenty of everything. I was just sick of being pregnant, uncomfortable, scared, frazzled, and wanted my body back. She assured me that it was all normal, hugged me, worked through it, coached Neil on what he could do to help. I cannot tell you how good it felt, I mean, when is the last time you hugged your doctor?
On the early evening of February 5th, I thought I showed signs that labor would be starting that night. I called our doula, and made a call to Stephanie. She gave me very simple advice. She reminded me that my babies birth story had now begun. That this would be the day that he would be born, the day I would become a mother and life would never be the same. It was up to Neil and I to make that day what we wanted. She told me to remember that as the minutes passed (this was VERY early in labor, no contractions, mind you). How you spend those minutes suddenly became more significant. So, I put on my favorite music, made my husband pot roast, cleaned the kitchen, took a bath. My husband bought out a local grocery store of all their fresh flowers, including a gorgeous orchid. As my labor progressed, it was funky, contractions started on top of one another and stayed that way. They were close but short for 19 hrs. Sigh. But again, that is why we chose a midwife. Having a baby is a process, not just about the physical labor. Think any doctor ever told me to construct our birth day into what ever I wanted so I could look back on the WHOLE experience, one that is transformational as a woman? Nope. Never.
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| laboring in the pool |
Stephanie and her apprentice showed up at about 5 AM on February 6th. Shockingly, there isn't much to do for a naturally laboring woman besides well, supporting her. So I labored (and labored) like they did in the old days, in the company of women (and my husband) that had walked that path before. That is where Rose, our doula came in. That was her job, to help me. Every minute I had her support, I was in my own space, comfortable (well... you know what I mean) confident and safe. I don't think I possess the right words to accurately describe what a room full of women, who have been called to help bring babies into this world, really feels like. It is probably like the safest hug you ever had, contrary to mainstream thought. Every well wish, positive vibe, good energy was present in my bedroom. The baby's heart rate was monitored, I wasn't disturbed or hooked up to anything. It was intense, but beautiful. While I labored, Stephanie and Rose massaged my arms and back and Stephanie knitted baby caps outside in the hall. That's what she does. Knits caps for all "her" babies they day they are born. No generic pink and blue stripes. Homemade, heartfelt, perfect. Every knit a prayer for the mama and baby in front of her.
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| Still gooey but super cute |
Fast forward 17(ish) hours of labor and almost 2 hrs of pushing, when, at the foot of my bed, at 3:36, on February 6th, Stephanie, Rose and Kate coached me through the birth of my son. Stephanie showed Neil how to "catch" him and yes, the first thing to touch my son was the ungloved hand of his father. It was amazing. Best moment of my life. He was perfect. All 8 lb 5 oz of him. And like little elves, they went to work in the minutes after his birth. Within an hour I had showered, got into a freshly made bed, ate a homemade sandwich and my bedroom looked like I hadn't just had a baby in it (besides the birth tub that was in the process of being collapsed). Stephanie gave us a perfectly knitted little green cap and sang my son "Happy Birthday" while we all teared up. Everyone left about 3 hours later, we were all exhausted, but doing overflowing with joy. Our cup runneth over. Another healthy baby and mama.
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| 8 lb 5 oz 21 inches long |
I saw Stephanie early the next day, she had already called me 3 times the night before to check in (again, how many doctors do you know that make personal phone calls at 10:00 at night just because?). I felt great, heck, I was downstairs making coffee. She scolded me (gently) for being out of bed and shooed me up the stairs. She checked Baby Smith (he was nameless then, for 2 days actually) who was perfect. She stayed for a couple hours just talking to us. Educating us, letting us make the best choices for our family without the judgement. She BATHED our baby for us. In our bathroom, she gently scrubbed his head, cooing and cuddling him. I'm pretty sure doctors don't do that. We saw her again 3 days later, then a week later, then 3 weeks later then 6 weeks later. Then Porter's file got put in the "healthy baby 6 week old" pile and her "work" was done. In some ways. By then, she was like family. By then Neil and I had met her husband, been to a game night at her house, seen her children. We had swapped recipes, played games and laughed together. She saw (and continues to see) our family interact. She consistently sees us/Porter once or twice a month. I could call her at midnight about anything (and I have tested this) and she would (and does) take it. Off the clock, not for money....for me. Families are her business and she is great at it.
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| minutes old with his new hat |
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| Porter's first bath |
So, for those people that are wondering about the quality of care and expertise that a midwife has, I think it is safe (no pun intended... really :) to say we hit the jackpot. This is not to say that people that see doctors are get less than quality care, not at all. There are fantastic doctors/nurse midwives/ nurses and hospitals. Don't misunderstand me. I am so glad that there are OB's out there, I am also so thankful that we were not in a situation that we needed one. This is just why we chose a midwife, what was best for our family.
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| two days old |
So there it is, the biggest and best choice we made to date. This is why midwife?. I love Stephanie so much at I am forever grateful for her presence in our lives. I am glad that there are people like her on this Earth. It gives me hope. I hope she is there for all of my babies births, that each one of my children get a cap made on the day of their birth and get sang "Happy Birthday" in their first hour Earth side. Having a baby is not just about the labor but the experience, and without Stephanie, it wouldn't have been as sweet. I am leaving out details how amazing our doula was too, maybe the next post. All these reasons are why we chose a midwife. I feel incredibly blessed to have had this kind of birth story. I wish a personal version of this for every woman/family. Stephanie (et.al) helped me, my husband and my son become a better unit, a better family. I now have the confidence and power to make my own choices regarding my family, my body and my life. And there is no better feeling than that.
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12 hrs after
birth |
