Be Consistent. Be an Example.

First time mommies (and all mommies really), especially control freak ones like me, like to research the heck out of everything.  I did when I was pregnant, I continue to do so as Porter gets older and reaches developmental milestones.  I want to make sure that I am doing everything I can to foster a learning environment, that I am encouraging him, stimulating him.  After all, we want our kids to be smart right?  Well, yes of course...... but maybe it is best to relax the reigns a little bit. 

I have hit my own mama milestone in this past week. He he.  Wanna know what it is? I learned to stop putting my child in the proverbial "box". You know, the one that they say babies and children to be in.  I learned to let them be exactly what they are.  Guidelines. Nothing more. I am here to help guide him, but I need to let him develop in his own time as long as it is within reason. Since about 13 months to about 1-2 weeks ago, it has been rough. Very rough P-man stage.  Porter threw fits and tantrums like no kid I have ever seen, he was constantly frustrated, cried a lot. This was due to multiple things.  He got all 4 of his one year molars, the are communication barriers and he was sick a couple times as well.  I was one frustrated mama as well.  Other kids didn't act this way.  Other kids still slept through the night.  Other kids used their hand signs and Porter didn't. Porter used a bottle and other kids his age were drinking through straws. And of course the constant comparison to other kids and those dreadful baby books that inspire guilt if your child is not right on track.  If I can give any mother one piece of advice, it would be be consistent and be an example yourself, you child is watching. Nothing is wrong with your child.  And trust me, when they are all in kinder garden, it will not matter who rolled over first, walked first, talked first or any other thing.

It really takes away the joy of your child's individuality when you are so frustrated. What is the point in putting that amount of pressure on such a small being? I don't get it.  Now, I am not an advocate of a total lassiez faire attitude, I believe in guiding your children and staying wholly present in their development.  Key word there.  Their development.  As I said before, the last two months..... rough.   I was worried I had a "high need" baby (that is what those silly books calls them) or he was slower than other kids. Um, no. He was growing, watching and learning this whole time.  I was to busy putting him in boxes to realize this little fact. If you catch yourself doing that, do yourself a favor.... stop.  It will not make your baby get there any faster to worry.

My son, who I thought would have a meltdown over his missing bottle, hasn't skipped a beat yet and is using sippy cups just fine.  This little boy who I frantically told Neil "we have to start working with him on his utensils at meal times, he should be doing that by 18 mo", picked up my small fork 5 days ago, completely unprovoked and on his own and started using it. He has been watching us. He watches us take a bite and mimicks. When he was ready to try on his own and bam... just like that it happened. Now, I help him of course, he is not left to fend for himself, but it is much more enjoyable when he is as excited to learn as I am to teach him.  His words have exploded along with gestures.  He has learned to make a "thisssss/dissss" sound when his points, to let me know what he is talking about.  The tantrums are MUCH less frequent.  I used to worry because he didn't want me to read to him.  "We have to read to him 20 min a day, that's what they say," I would tell Neil. Well, it isn't much fun to read to someone who runs out of the room or throws the book. Now, we sit and flip through the books together.  I learned you don't HAVE to read the words for goodness sake.  He is happy with "Where's the bunny?" and "do you see the red balloon"? He is happy to point out those things.  Jeeeez..... that is a much more fun experience.  I have no doubt that my child will read and be read to just the same as any other kid even though he can't sit through Goodnight Moon at the current moment.

Unbeknownst  to me, he has been a sponge the last two months.  Soaking up everything.  Now, he is ready to show us what he has been learning.  He knows shoes go on his feet, he will get them at the babysitters to go bye bye.  He picks up signs like crazy and watches very intently.  We couldn't get his to show us his nose for anything, even though we have been working on it for months.  Now, tell him earmuffs and he can find both his ears.  He knows where his feet are.  Tell him to sit on his dupa (Polish for butt, my family is all Polish and we use a few key words with the kids) and he knows exactly what that means. He signs "more eat" consecutively and consistently, just like Neil has been doing since we went to sign class 6 months ago.  It just sank in all in the alst two weeks. Huzzah!

Now, it seems silly.  It isn't a race.  No need to freak out.  It did no good.  He was doing exactly what he was supposed to be doing the whole time.  I don't think there is any such thing as a "smart" 15 mo old.  I mean, none of them can do calculus.  All of them are learning to interact with their environment and when they feel comfortable, they show outwardly express it. And we celebrate.... yea! I am a proud mama.  I think he is the best toddler in the history of ever.  But because he is mine (and my husbands) not because he eats with a fork or brings me his shoes. I have learned more from my son I think than he has learned from me.  Through him I understand patience, perseverance, unconditional love.  Life has smoothed out some.  We are all sleeping better, eating better and having more fun and less stress. We just had to get over a hump and hopefully come out on the other side with a better grasp of what truly is important.