Smith Family: Due Dates: A Love/Hate Relationship

A year ago today was my due date with Porter. As a first time mom, I was the typical "slave" to my due date. I lived and breathed by it. January 23. I was certain I would have my baby around that date and I would most certainly have a January baby. Heck, we almost had Neil's mom a Grandmothers ring made for Christmas with a garnet in it (January's birthstone) almost 6 weeks before the baby was even born! How silly I was! But, it is/was an important day for me. It was the day I learned to turn it over to something higher, I had to learn to trust my body, I was living on "borrowed" time after that. I wasn't very good at it. I did exactly what I was told not to do. I waited for my baby. And waited. And waited some more. I got overwhelmed, frustrated and got totally "over" being pregnant. After all, the calender did say the 23rd yet. Now, my baby was "late" (and nobody wants a late baby, especially a 7 day late baby, those must come out). Well, that isn't a very positive way to round out a very healthy, successful pregnancy. Our midwife told me to stop thinking about it. Stop anticipating. Just be. Easier said than done for this type-A, first time mom. Strangely enough, I had a "full circle" moment about two weeks ago in yoga that strangely paralleled this very situation.

In my previous post I mentioned my love for Bikram yoga. This particular type of yoga is the same 26 postures each time, eventually, you memorize their order and it is really easy to just go through the motions. The teacher stopped the class though and said that the hardest thing for us to do is to stop anticipating. Stop thinking about the upcoming posture and live in the current one. She told us to stop anticipating each move and let her do all the thinking. Yoga is too hard if you have to think during it too. So just release it over to the teacher, concentrate on that is being said and live in the moment, not anticipate the future, even if it is just around the corner. Hmmm...... easier said than done. At that moment, I realized.... I really suck at living in the moment! It is really hard for me. It is my nature to plan, prepare and then...... wait. Same for yoga, same with birth.

Now, I like to refer to due dates as what they are.... approximations. Nothing more. An ish if you will. I joke with our midwife that I don't want to know a "due date" for our next baby. Something along the lines of "the end of (insert month here)" will do. It causes to much anxiety and disappointment in your body. I like to trust that God, my body and my baby know exactly when they are supposed to come Earth side. There is nothing "wrong" with me or my body. There is something wrong with being forced into the same 280 day gestational calendar, a blanketed number of days that is somehow (supposed to be) gospel for every single woman. We are all different, our cycles are all different, ovulation one offs happen. Your body knows this and plans accordingly. I'm not saying induction is never necessary, it is just used far to frequently under the guise of a big or late baby.

I had a 8 lb. 5 oz. perfect baby at 42 weeks on the nose. I had a February baby..... much to my chagrin. I rejected all invasive interventions (no stripping of my membranes) as I passed my due date, but I tried (almost) everything else. Teas, walking, sex, rode around in our Wrangler, massaged labor inducing points etc. I never thought that I would have a February baby. As a "last" effort, I sought an acupuncturist to stimulate labor. She put the first needle-thing (like the technical term??!) in my back and said "baby is not ready. Stop forcing him. He will be born on Saturday. If I am wrong, come back Monday, but I don't think I am." I left frustrated. But, Friday night I went into labor and sure enough, he was born Saturday afternoon. A little, perfect Aquarian.

I used my due date as a deadline, when it was nothing more that a fun date to mark "around" the end of my pregnancy. Don't misunderstand, I don't HATE due dates totally, they serve a purpose, a barometer if you will. I just don't like them being so concrete. I like celebrating every day, even though I may not be the best at it. I don't like the idea that we as mothers should be consumed by them instead of the perfect rhythm of our bodies. I hope to trust that rhythm easier in the next pregnancy. Porter wasn't late. He was right on time and he knew so all along and now, so do I.