Super Mom???

If you notice my handy little baby ticker at the top of my blog, you will see that little Scarlett will be here in approximately 69 days. 69 DAYS! I must admit, in some ways I am so ready. I (strangely) am not one of those people that LOVES being pregnant. At this point, I feel like a house that waddles everywhere and I can’t wait to not pee every 10-15 minutes and wear a belt. And the heat…. Don’t even get me started. But, I kind of have “new parent” jitters a little. I have a confession……. I don’t solidly remember what it is like to have a newborn. *Gasp* I mean, it is probably a bit like riding a bike and every baby is different, but truly, I have to reach pretty far back to remember specific details about Porter’s early days. It seems like a whole life ago.


I have different mama friends email and contact me a lot with various questions. And, I kind of laugh to myself when they come rolling in. Silly rabbits, I am NO expert. In fact, most days I’m a mess (or my house is, pick your pleasure). I get frustrated with my tantruming son, I argue with my husband and I feel like I can never quite do anything well enough because I am doing so much. But I really love my life and I really, really love my family. Most days, it is great. I get the “I don’t know how you do it all” a lot from acquaintance type people. My internal response is, “ummm, I don’t”. But I smile and nod and say “oh, I don’t know, one day at a time”. But I try really hard every day. I try to be the best version of myself possible. But I fail and fall short a ton. Sooooo, add another little human in the mix and this Type A-ish planner mom starts to hyperventilate. I feel like a newbie all over again. How do you have a newborn again??

I haven’t nursed in almost a year. I had some major issues with it even though I loved it. A newborn nurses 10-12 times a day. *duh* I knew that…… I just forgot. How do I squeeze that in?! Oh and did you know, newborns don’t take two naps and the same 11 hours at night like P man has for the last 8 months. (Insert sarcasm here) Yeah, I knew that too. I will be at the mercy of a little tiny being. All. the. time. I converse several times a week with different new mommies about these same issues. Exhaustion, pumping, relationships, hormones. Oh and I know it is worth it. New babies are the BEST things on Earth (along with cinnamon rolls and Mexican food). I love squishy, new bugs. I just forgot I am having one. She will actually be a real live, newborn baby with all that comes with. Yes, I did this once before. God only knows how. I told a mama friend just last night that there were times I took the “lets just get through this and screw what doctors, books, parents and advice says, I need sleep and insanity is the only other option”. There were times Porter spent the first part of the night in his car seat next to us (I know, I know, gasp, shock, awe) because for some reason that was the ONLY place he would not cry and actually slept. I’m pretty sure Neil has come dangerously close to falling asleep while bouncing on my yoga ball with a teeny Porter in his arms. We have done the “is he breathing? Ok, awesome, don’t touch him” thing and left him to sleep wherever he was at. Neil and I have had the oh- so- fun- fight when Porter was 3 weeks old and Neil came home to a house that was torn apart, an unshowered mom and baby and said “ um, what did you do all day?” BOOM! Explosion. Mama meltdown. **Side note; that was really early on, Neil knows now not to ask such things. He learned quickly because he easily does half the baby work. He knows as well as I do how much work being a parent is. He is a really involved, amazing daddy that puts up with this crazy mama a lot.**

And that was with one. One baby. Nothing else to do but my one baby and I still don’t know how we made it through. Now I start all over…..but with a toddler. That tantrums, is a wild man and is the cutest busiest little thing ever. How will I re-learn everything and still do all that I can’t seem to do now?! Cue breathing into a paper bag. I dunno what I was expecting….. I guess to throw the wee one in a wrap and away we go. Maybe it will go that way. Who knows? Maybe I have super mom syndrome and some things will just have to give. But what will that do to my psyche? I like taking showers and having a clean house. Can I still do (not do) it all?? What gives?

Don’t misunderstand me. I am so, unbelievably stoked to have my baby girl join our family. I make Neil listen in great detail to all my plans for Christmas time and all the things we are gonna do as a family of 4. I can’t wait. It isn’t her I second guess, she is perfect. It is me. I wanna be the best wife, mama, person who plays accountant, friend, home maker etc. etc. that I can be. I am hoping I can be all those things for her and still be those things for Porter and hope that there is something left for Neil. I’m scared I’ll fall short. I’m scared I already do. So I tell myself what I have told my friends. Plenty of women have walked this path before me and been just fine. I will figure it out as I go, just as I did once before. I am NO expert. But I don’t need to be. All I can be is me and hope that will be enough. And also hope, from time to time, that one of my fellow mama friends pours me a big ‘ol glass of red wine and tells me I am doing great and greasy hair and no makeup is the new black.

What's New in our Neck of the Woods

Did you think I forgot about my dear ‘ol blog? Truth be told, it has been awhile. Truth be told, I have been really busy….. and stressed…… and tired. Closing in on 30 weeks pregnant in the middle of the AZ summer is no fun!


What is new in the Smith casa…..one thing is our new cloth diapering venture. After lots of minor bouts with Porter being red tush’ied and a few major bouts, we decided that with the new baby, we will skip all that and just straight cloth diaper her. There are so many reasons to cloth diaper. My top ones were one, Porter’s sensitive skin. Cloth diapered babies tend to not get diaper rash as bad or frequently. Two, harsh chemicals. I’ll leave you to research that one. Suffice it to say that it is pretty harsh stuff babies getting chemical burns from disposables and the list of chemicals is crazy. Yeow-za. No good. Three, cost savings. Duh, no brainer. Although, I tend to go a wee bit crazy and I will have 2 kiddos in dipes. My saving grace… name brand cloth diapers in excellent condition get 80% or so of their investment back. So, I can always sell them and not be out any more money than if I used disposables.

I am fortunate to have lots and lots of cloth diapering friends that held my hand through this process. My girlfriend Laura is a Go Baby Go representative and she came over and went through all different kinds and types with me. I have bought most of my diapers through them. They are fantastic, check out their fluff here. With Scarlett coming soon, we decided to semi switch P-man while he is at home with us to test them out, save some money and become cloth diaper experts by the time Scarlett comes. The verdict? So far, so good! I really like it. It is easy and Porter has really taken to it. I think he likes how soft they are and they just look so darn cute on him!

Cloth diapers have come a long, long way. They are not your old school diapers that is for sure. And like most things, everyone has a brand preference. My favorites so far are Grovia’s,

Grovia Hybrid Diaper

These are a hybrid diaper that can be a disposable and re-useable. Pretty great concept. They can be used with a disposable insert or a re-useable one. Great for on the go and travelling. They fit P well too.

My new favorite….. RUMPAROOZ!! These are a pocket style diaper so you can adjust the absorbency. The new G2’s have a super soft, non piling inside and the coolest insert ever. You can snap it to fit a boy or a girl so they get maximum protection the areas they need it. Another bonus, based on the reviews I read, they snap down to be really small, so they are a true birth to potty training diaper. I love the gussets on the sides and it is really maximum leak protection for the bigger babies like Porter. These are just awesome!

Rumparooz G2

Third favorite, one of Neil’s most favorite, is Bum Genius. We only have one or two. Neil likes Velcro closure and really liked the way it fit Porter when he got him dressed for bed the other night. I like them too and they come with a slightly more affordable price tag.

Bum Genius Pocket Diaper

Last but not least…… my splurge…… made by the same company as Rumparooz are Lil Joey’s. They are newborn all in one diapers. And ohmygosh are they cute. Teeny teeny tiny. They snap down for the umbilical cord and fit from 4-12 lb. Hence the splurge. They will only fit her for a few months. But, because they will be in such good condition, I , again can sell them and probably recoup 80% of my money. On cloth diaper forums they are usually gone in a matter of hours. They sell quick and for a high price. I won’t buy a ton of them but she will have a couple pint sized diapers to wear. I just can’t help myself. But I scour for good deals and use my reward points. I have been good about not buying anything this pregnancy so I feel ok with my obsession splurge purchase! Serious cuteness going on.

Lil Joey's aka the cutest things ever!

So there you have it. One of our latest ventures in Casa de Smith. I never knew I would be so excited about stuff my kids pee in but I am! I am constantly searching and reading. I love that my husband is on board. He says our diapers are so easy a husband can do it! While Porter still is in his Huggies at daycare, he is cloth diapered at home. I have already been able to skip one of our Amazon Mom diaper shipments and that put $35.00 in our pockets. So, even though Porter is more of a test, we are still saving a few bucks. Even for this cloth diapering novice, it is much easier and much more fun than I thought. I wish we would have switched sooner!

The Way We Were

“When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?” –Carrie Bradshaw, SATC



I came across this quote randomly last week. I am a self admitted Sex and the City addict. I have seen every episode at least 3 times. I know exactly which episode this quote is from (as well as what outfit she was wearing) and though I won’t say that my life is necessarily “scary” it is far more adult that sometimes I stop and realize. There is a switch from foot loose and fancy free to responsibility and safety nets. It is not all bad but for me, more mental balance is in order.

I made a list of 50 things to do before I die, when I was probably 17 years old. I wrote it on a piece of spiral bound, notebook paper, probably on a random afternoon when I had nothing else to do but feel inspired. I tossed it in my nightstand and continued about my life. Nothing on that list seemed that “out there” at the time. It has dawned on me. Somewhere along the line, I have become safe. And in some ways that is good. I have two houses, a full time job, a son, a little girl on the way and a husband. I have responsibilities. The dreaded “R” word. Doesn’t get more adult than that. But that is ok, for the most part, I like my responsibilities. I chose them, I have always wanted them.

But, I am at a kind of crossroads in my life, a time of great change, there are some big things on the horizon and sometimes I wonder how the younger, saucier, more confident Linsay would take it on. Failure never really occurred to me as a young person. I have always worked hard, been smart and thought creatively. I had faith everything would fall into place if I stayed true to myself and stayed those three things. Sometimes I wonder what she would say now looking down the current barrel of my life. Her “youthful blindness” is something I miss sometimes. The real world has stolen most of that away. My rose colored glasses are gone along is my once ever present style and panache. They have been replaced with constant self doubt, reconciliation of past mistakes, bigger hips, much less sleep but probably a more real, well rounded (literally) individual.

It is not a bad thing, how I am now. That is not what I mean. Now, I laugh a little at my list. I laugh at my priorities but still, I don’t wanna forget them. I like that daring girl. I like that I had self confidence and cared less about what people thought and more about what would make my life full. I know I wrote all of them for myself and nobody else. I included such things as “own a pair of leather pants and know I look good in them” and “learn to tango”. Now, I get that I am a whopping 28 years old, plenty of time to tango. But, now… I don’t really want to learn. I’m self conscious, I don’t want people looking at me, my body has had (going on) 2 kids. Not nearly the same, not as “list worthy”. My old motivation was my love of learning new things, I loved to dance and loved other cultures. Leather pants, um yeah, try stretchy pants. First of all, I live in AZ, leather pants, no way. Second of all, I have no desire to call attention to myself like that, blech. Even back then, I was not the leather pant wearing kind of girl. But I wrote it to push myself or try something new, just for fun. If it didn’t turn out like I wanted, then oh well. Funny story.

Now, I am ok with letting go with some of the things on my list, others, they are staying on there. I’m ok with not owning leather pants, but I will see Barcelona one day. That one is staying. I am just not ok with being so safe, so ok with status quo in regards to my “person”. I don’t accept that for my family, why should I accept that for myself? I have become paralyzed with the fear of failure; I have internalized most negative things said to me by those closest to me. Pair that with less time and more responsibility and the risk of failure becomes too great, right? I get swallowed up in the everyday. Now I have all of my “R’s” to think about. But maybe, just maybe, there is a middle ground. Maybe, looking down the barrel of some (possible) great things to come, I should toss away my skepticism and remember that somewhere inside there is a pretty spunky gal that once upon a time, knew what it was to have a little faith in myself. I can be that girl and the mom and wife I want to be too. How do I teach my kids to go for it, be free thinkers, and push themselves, if I am not willing to do it myself? Having a 17 mo old, I know well, kids do what you do, not what you say. I don’t see that part of parenting changing any time soon. So while, my priorities may have changed, my outfits have changed, my shoes no longer have heels, being a wife and mama is (overwhelmingly and thankfully) now priority number one. There is still enough left to put out into the world. There is still more to give. Things change, people change, I just have to remember to check in with 17 year old Linsay every now and again for a little boost of confidence and unwavering faith that I can do anything I set my mind to.